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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many young
people
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 admire
media
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 personalities and sports
stars
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 because of their fame, success, and luxurious lifestyles.
However
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, many of these
celebrities
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 do not always behave responsibly. I believe
this
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 is a negative development because it can influence young
people
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 to adopt unhealthy values and behaviours. One of the main reasons why
this
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 trend is harmful is that
celebrities
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 often become role models for teenagers. Young
people
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 tend to imitate the attitudes, fashion, and lifestyles of their favourite
stars
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 without considering whether these behaviours are appropriate.
For example
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, when famous athletes or influencers are involved in scandals
such
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 as substance abuse, reckless driving, or offensive behaviour, some teenagers may see these actions as acceptable.
As a result
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, they may develop poor habits and make irresponsible decisions. Another concern is that excessive admiration for
celebrities
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 can lead young
people
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 to focus more on fame and wealth than on education and personal development. Many social
media
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 influencers present unrealistic lifestyles, making success appear easy and glamorous.
Consequently
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, some young
people
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 may lose motivation to work hard or develop practical skills.
Instead
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, they may spend excessive time following
celebrities
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 online rather than concentrating on their studies or future careers.
However
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, it is important to recognise that not all
media
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 and sports
stars
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 are negative role models. Many athletes actively promote discipline, teamwork, and perseverance. They
also
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 participate in charitable activities and inspire young
people
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 to achieve their goals through dedication and hard work.
Therefore
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, the impact largely depends on which
celebrities
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 young
people
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 choose to admire. In conclusion,
although
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 some
celebrities
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 have a positive influence, I believe that the growing admiration for
media
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 and sports
stars
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 who display irresponsible behaviour is a negative development. Parents and schools should encourage young
people
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 to choose role models who demonstrate good character
as well as
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 success.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from start to end. To get a higher score, add one more real or more exact example.
task response
For task response, your ideas are good, but you can explain them a little more deeply in one body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has one clear main idea. To improve, use a few more linking words with care, not too many.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the order of ideas is strong. To get a higher score, make one or two links between sentences more direct.
task response
For task response, you answer the question fully and clearly say it is a negative development.
task response
For task response, you give relevant examples such as scandals, social media, and charity work.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear opening, two body paragraphs, a balanced paragraph, and a strong ending.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph stays on one main point, so the essay is easy to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • media personalities
  • sports icons
  • role models
  • admiration
  • influence
  • behavior
  • mindset
  • values
  • unethical behavior
  • healthy lifestyles
  • social media platforms
  • celebrity culture
  • career aspirations
  • educational goals
  • positive change
  • ethical standards
  • amplify
  • idolize
  • public perception
  • impressionable
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