IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions?

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In
this
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 day and age, global warming has become the most significant threat humankind has ever faced.
As a result
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 of global warming,
sea
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levels
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 all over the world continue to rise at an alarming rate. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the courses and give solutions
for
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to
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 these problems.
To begin
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 with, global warming and rising
sea
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levels
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 are the worst problems throughtout humans history. With the development of technology used in the production industry and excessive use of automobiles, the scale of greenhouse gases released into the atmosphere has risen significantly.
This
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, in turn, leads to global warming. To address
this
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 problem, several steps need to be taken.
Firstly
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, cutting the usage of machines that produce a huge amount of CO2 and SO2 would be very beneficial. By using environmentally friendly equipments we could contribute to saving our planet.
Secondly
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, using public transport
instead
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 of private transport, we can reduce the release of toxic gases. If people around the world work
unitedly
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together
, there is still a chance of saving our planet. Unfortunately, as time goes
sea
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levels
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 are going up without stopping.
Due to
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 global warming,
this
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 process has accelerated. With the rise of
sea
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levels
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, both humans and animals are suffering. Communities living in coastal
areas
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 are facing several challenges. In these
areas
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, most people live near water and rely on fishing to feed themselves. Rising
sea
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 level is forcing them to move to urban
areas
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, where many of them struggle to adapt and earn a living. As for animals, some of their kind live in polar regions, and their living
areas
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 are being destroyed, forcing them to migrate or die out. By solving global warming, the pace of ice melting could be controlled and stopped.
This
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, in turn, saves animals from polar regions from extinction.
Additionally
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, if
sea
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levels
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 slow down, people from coastal regions no longer have to migrate. In conclusion, in the 21st century, global warming and rising
sea
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levels
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 are the main problems we are facing. By taking necessary precautionary steps, we can change the outcome.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. You talk a lot about global warming, but the question asks about problems from rising sea levels and solutions to them.
task response
Give more specific problems, like floods, loss of homes, salt water in farm land, and damage to roads and buildings.
task response
Add more clear solutions for sea level rise, not only for global warming. For example, sea walls, better city plans, moving homes, and help for coastal people.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly clear, but some parts repeat the same point. Try to make each paragraph have one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are good, but a few ideas jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Support main points with one short real example or a more exact result. This will make your essay stronger and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has logical paragraphing. The first body part is about causes and action, and the second body part is about effects on people and animals.
task response
You answer the question in a general way and give both problems and solutions.
task response
You give some relevant ideas, such as transport, industry, coastal people, and polar animals.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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