IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that historical sites should be completely closed to the public. Others, however, believe that it is important for the public to visit these sites. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Historic
places
Use synonyms
 which are visited by
people
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 have become a major public concern in a fast-paced world.
While
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 a significant number of
people
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 believe that authorities ought to impose a ban that does not allow
people
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 to
visit
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 these
places
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, others argue that visiting historic
places
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a crucial role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I strongly believe that these
sites
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 must be seen by
people
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 because they have
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 unified effect on the public
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the government can generate revenue.
This
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 essay
elaborate
Correct subject-verb agreement
elaborates
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 on my position with relevant examples and arguments. The foremost reason to support my view is that historic tours provide opportunities to citizens to comprehend their ancestors' conditions of life. Since their ancestor faced numerous different kinds of issues,
such
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 as scarcity and wars,
people
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 want to keep their
country
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 safe and improve their quality of life. These feelings lead to a unified effect on
people
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's
mind
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minds
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 that gives rise to comprehension
to
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of
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 their
country
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 and environment.
As a result
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,
this
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 comprehension builds a clear understanding
how
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of how
show examples
 they contribute to their surroundings.
For instance
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, Japan is spending great efforts to preserve and show their historical
places
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, which are particularly the Second World War areas, allowing their citizens to understand their mistakes made in those years, enabling its citizens
develop
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to develop
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clear
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a clear
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 understanding of protecting their
country
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 against threats and gather under one
umbrealla
Correct your spelling
umbrella
.
Thus
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, Japan could quickly recover from these detrimental effects of war.
Furthermore
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, these
sites
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 can draw a significant number
tourists
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of tourists
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 from all across the world. As tourists come to
visit
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 these
sites
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, the government obtains significant income.
This
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 is because when those
people
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 who want to see different
places
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 are willing to spend money not only
visit
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 these
places
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 but
also
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shopping
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shop
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 from local stores, which
boost
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boosts
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 its economy. To illustrate, Manchester has unique Industrial Reform
places
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, which attract
wanderer's
Check wording
wanderers'
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 attention, and millions of
people
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are coming
Wrong verb form
come
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 to
visit
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 these
sites
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 each year.
Therefore
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, the
country
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 and local stores generate considerable revenue, contrintuing their economy. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that the government ought to close these historic
places
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, I firmly believe that
people
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 should
visit
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 these
sites
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, which enables them to increase their patriotic feelings.
Furthermore
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, the entry fees from these
sites
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 provide a considerable amount of money, which contributes to the
country
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's economy.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You say your view well, but the side about closing sites is very short.
task response
Give one clear reason for why some people want to close these places, like damage, safety, or cost.
task response
Make your main ideas easier to understand. Some parts are hard to follow because the meaning is not always clear.
task response
Use simple and direct examples. Your Japan example is useful, but explain it in a shorter and clearer way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore'. Some links now feel too long or not exact.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. A few sentences do not connect well, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion clearly.
task response
You include examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical site
  • public access
  • be closed to the public
  • protect the past
  • cause damage
  • wear down
  • fragile building
  • ancient wall
  • rare place
  • repair work
  • keep safe
  • future generations
  • holy place
  • show respect
  • local culture
  • bad behavior
  • learn about history
  • bring the past to life
  • clear and memorable
  • tourism income
  • local jobs
  • ticket money
  • pay for protection
  • feel proud
  • national heritage
  • public support
  • long-term protection
  • limited access
  • small groups
  • strict rules
  • no-touch policy
  • time limit
  • balanced approach
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