Nowadays, people spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this? What effect will it have on themselves and their families?

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In the contemporary world, it is true that more and more people do not make an effort to accompany their family, and I totally agree with it. In
this
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essay, I will discuss my opinion with examples in the following paragraphs. First of all, several factors contribute to people spending less
time
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with their families, and one of them is longer working hours. Owing to the change in the work pattern, many individuals not only work overnight but
also
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be disturbed by colleagues after work, leading to the reduction of communication
time
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with families. Take my father as an example, he is a workaholic, who works 12 hours per day and even on the weekends,
while
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he comes home day in and day out, little
time
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that I can see him,
as a result
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, I am not familiar with him, kind of like a roommate.
Therefore
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, I definitely believe that working can have an impact on family relationships.
On the other hand
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, technological advancements
such
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as the pop-up of mobile phones, tablets, computers and so on, can be a catalyst account for straining family
time
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.
Furthermore
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, the desire to use them is hard to abandon, which always overtakes other things even snubbing relatives, resulting in gaining distance from family.
For instance
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, my 15-year-old cousin, who is addicted to online games, spends lots of
time
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chatting with friends online
instead
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of his parents;
hence
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, they always have many conflicts and
also
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feel less comprehend to each other all the
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.
To sum up
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, there are various reasons let both parents and children neglect to stay connected with each other like high-demand jobs, long
time
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working and the addition of technology devices, and I think these factors strongly affect the whole family's well-being.
Submitted by Chloe on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in your introduction to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas further by expanding on how each point specifically impacts family dynamics. This could involve exploring both emotional and practical consequences.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for a more varied sentence structure and utilize linking words effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Including a brief outline of the points you will discuss in your introduction can improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced examples. While personal and hypothetical instances are valuable, incorporating statistics or findings from studies can strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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