IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, people spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this? What effect will it have on themselves and their families?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, it is true that more and more people do not make an effort to accompany their family, and I totally agree with it. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss my opinion with examples in the following paragraphs. First of all, several factors contribute to people spending less
time
Use synonyms
 with their families, and one of them is longer working hours. Owing to the change in the work pattern, many individuals not only work overnight but
also
Linking Words
 be disturbed by colleagues after work, leading to the reduction of communication
time
Use synonyms
 with families. Take my father as an example, he is a workaholic, who works 12 hours per day and even on the weekends,
while
Linking Words
 he comes home day in and day out, little
time
Use synonyms
 that I can see him,
as a result
Linking Words
, I am not familiar with him, kind of like a roommate.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I definitely believe that working can have an impact on family relationships.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, technological advancements
such
Linking Words
 as the pop-up of mobile phones, tablets, computers and so on, can be a catalyst account for straining family
time
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the desire to use them is hard to abandon, which always overtakes other things even snubbing relatives, resulting in gaining distance from family.
For instance
Linking Words
, my 15-year-old cousin, who is addicted to online games, spends lots of
time
Use synonyms
 chatting with friends online
instead
Linking Words
 of his parents;
hence
Linking Words
, they always have many conflicts and
also
Linking Words
 feel less comprehend to each other all the
time
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are various reasons let both parents and children neglect to stay connected with each other like high-demand jobs, long
time
Use synonyms
 working and the addition of technology devices, and I think these factors strongly affect the whole family's well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in your introduction to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas further by expanding on how each point specifically impacts family dynamics. This could involve exploring both emotional and practical consequences.
coherence and cohesion
Aim for a more varied sentence structure and utilize linking words effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Including a brief outline of the points you will discuss in your introduction can improve the logical flow and make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced examples. While personal and hypothetical instances are valuable, incorporating statistics or findings from studies can strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: