IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People should be allowed to continue to work for as long as they want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
In
this
Linking Words
 task two, I want to like the
people
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to continue to work for as long as they want to. If the
people
Use synonyms
 are working some
concern
Use synonyms
, or the
Government
Use synonyms
, they are always very free in mind, and they can "earn more money". If
one
Use synonyms
 can earn
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
, he
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 it some thing. Like most of the
people
Use synonyms
 want to build a house
first,
Linking Words
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 they get many
facilities
Use synonyms
. All are wanted
now-a-days
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 earn more money
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they buy a car, all well furnished house, furniture, good articles, [
espicially
Correct your spelling
especially
 ladies spend
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money in
her
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 valuable articles,
such
Linking Words
 as gold
chain
Check wording
chains
show examples
, hellace, bangles, and earings etc...]. In
this
Linking Words
 context, I want to clarify
one
Use synonyms
 thing.
That is
Linking Words
if
Punctuation problem
, if
show examples
 the
Government
Use synonyms
 or
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 are to restrict once "retirement",
All
Fix capitalization
all
show examples
 of a sudden
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 will
depressed
Verb problem
be depressed
show examples
. In my opinion,
one
Use synonyms
 who is
elegible
Correct your spelling
eligible
 for working in his line, the company or the
Government
Use synonyms
 will not
"disturbed"
Verb problem
be "disturbed"
show examples
 or forced to retire the
people
Use synonyms
. The
concern
Use synonyms
 can give all the
facilities
Use synonyms
 to their
employers
Use synonyms
, like, House Rent, conveyance allowance, educational allowance and the most important thing is the medical
facilities
Use synonyms
 are provide for their
employers
Use synonyms
.
one
Use synonyms
 who satisfied in his or her job, they can wonderfully worked for (his or her)
concern
Use synonyms
. So the
Government
Use synonyms
 or any other
companies
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
always give much more
important
Replace the word
importance
 to the
employers
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 again I will tell the
companies
Use synonyms
 & Governments "do not
forced to retire
Wrong verb form
force retirement
show examples
 at a particular age
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as 60 or 65"
In
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 a person
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not able to work in his 50th year,
then
Linking Words
 he applied voluntary retirement. In
this
Linking Words
aspect
Add a comma
aspect,
show examples
 the
concern
Use synonyms
 must provide all the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 person.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 provident fund, ESI, Medical allowance and retirement-benefits.
One
Use synonyms
 who is satisfied
his
Change preposition
with his
show examples
 job, his life is automatically pleasent and his mind is
peacefull
Correct your spelling
peaceful
. So the major
companies
Use synonyms
 are
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 more and more
facilities
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would like to request
all
Correct word choice
that all
show examples
 the concerns, do not forced to retire at a particular age limit in his
employers
Use synonyms
. Please
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
people
Use synonyms
should
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
 enjoy and continue to work for as long as they want.
This
Linking Words
 is in my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
, to tell the good
companies
Use synonyms
 and all the Governments. Thanking you.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Say clearly if you agree or disagree.
task response
Use main ideas that directly answer the question. Do not add long lists that are not needed.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make each body part about one main point only.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way, but check that each next sentence fits the one before it.
coherence cohesion
Use a clear ending that repeats your main answer in simple words.
task response
You answer the topic and mostly stay on it.
task response
Your view is clear in many parts: people should be able to work longer.
coherence cohesion
You have an opening idea and a final ending.
coherence cohesion
You use some linking words like finally and in my opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: