Some people think money is one of the most essential factors in promoting hapinness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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It is frequently argued that financial wealth is the primary catalyst for fostering human
happiness
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. Personally, I firmly believe that individuals can achieve true contentment without vast amounts of money, and I maintain that physical health and family bonds are far more crucial factors for doing so. First and foremost, materialistic wealth is not a mandatory prerequisite for achieving emotional well-being. When an individual's basic life necessities are met, acquiring excessive luxury does not directly translate to deeper joy;
instead
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, it often brings unnecessary psychological burdens.
Instead
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, finding satisfaction in simple daily activities allows people to live a balanced life free from corporate stress.
For instance
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, global surveys frequently show that communities in developing countries report high
happiness
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indices despite having lower average incomes.
Consequently
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,
this
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proves that mental peace and satisfaction are entirely independent of one's bank balance. Turning to the other factors, meaningful human relationships and robust physical health contribute far more significantly towards long-term
happiness
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. No amount of money can purchase the genuine affection of supportive family members and lifelong friends, which are essential during times of crisis.
Furthermore
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, if a person suffers from severe illnesses, their financial capital becomes practically useless in terms of generating
real life
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real-life
satisfaction. To cite a clear example, many wealthy individuals frequently struggle with loneliness and depression, proving that emotional stability cannot be obtained through commercial means. In conclusion,
while
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money is necessary to cover fundamental living costs, it is not the ultimate source of human joy. I
re-emphasize
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re-emphasise
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that true
happiness
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is entirely constructed upon the foundations of excellent health and strong familial relationships, rather than economic prosperity.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear, but you can explain a little more about why money helps some people feel safe and calm.
task response
For task response, your examples are good, but they are a bit general. Add one more real and clear example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, but some linking words feel a little formal or repeated. Use simple links in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your second body paragraph has two big ideas, family and health. You can make the connection between them a little smoother.
task response
For task response, you answered all parts of the question and gave a clear opinion from the start.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph stays focused on its main point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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