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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that children, until they become adults, have to
work
Use synonyms
 without any salary to help their city.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with that statement. I believe that teenagers already have many things to do , and they have to enjoy them during their free time and holidays. And
then
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, I think that it can be dangerous for them to
work
Use synonyms
while
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 they are still children. On the one hand, I think that boys and girls have to prioritise their free time to prepare for their future and study for school. It is completely ridiculous to ask children to
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
when they already have
much
Fix the agreement mistake
a lot of
show examples
 homework. It is better to allow them some time to study for school, to practice activities
such
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 as sports, arts or maybe learn a new language.
For instance
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, during my
last
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 summer holidays, I went to a sports camp in Spain where I did football , and I learnt Spanish. I prefer that,
instead
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 of working in a company where I will certainly stay for the next forty years.
On the other hand
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, I believe that if young people already
work
Use synonyms
 like adults in various companies, they can react badly. Indeed, it can be dangerous for the mental health of a fourteen-year-old student to assume certain responsibilities. Especially in some jobs where the boss can be strict.
For example
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,
according to
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 a study made by the University of Chicago in 2020, 80% of employers who
work
Use synonyms
 in restaurant workers often felt very anxious about their jobs. If students
during
Punctuation problem
, during
show examples
 their free
moments
Punctuation problem
moments,
show examples
 help a restaurant, they can easily feel worried , and the consequences could be dramatic.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, it is a stupid thing to recommend that teenagers help the local community by working.
First,
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it destroys their childhood , and it can be dangerous for them. So, the bad consequences are just removing the benefits.

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task response
Give a clear answer at once. State your view in one line, then add 2 or 3 main ideas with simple examples.
coherence
Use clear link words to join ideas, like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but', 'however'.
accuracy
Keep facts simple and true. Do not use facts that may be wrong or not checked.
grammar
Fix small grammar and use calm tone. Use short sentences when needed.
task response
End with a short, strong closing that restates your view.
content
The writer shows a clear view against child work.
structure
There are two clear sides and a next idea in each paragraph.
evidence
Personal example is used to show a point.
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