IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that governments should provide free healthcare for everyone. Others think that individuals should pay for their own medical treatment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People have different views regarding whether medical facilities should be free or individuals should be charged for
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives have their own merits, I believe that providing free health care should be the primary goal of a
government
Use synonyms
Linking Words
This
Punctuation problem
. This
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 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views before explaining my opinion. On the one hand, many people believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide free medical
treatments
Check wording
treatment
show examples
.
This
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 is because
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is very expensive .
As a result
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, families with low income can not afford it.
For example
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, A report published by WHO suggests that almost half of the people in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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developing countries can not afford to pay their basic health needs.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 approach offers several benefits.
On the other hand
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, others argue that free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 puts
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 on the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 funds.
This
Linking Words
 is because
for providing
Wrong verb form
to provide
show examples
 free
Use synonyms
healthcare
Punctuation problem
healthcare,
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 the
government
Use synonyms
 allocate major funds to
this
Linking Words
 sector.
As a result
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, other sectors
such
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 as education and
military
Correct article usage
the military
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 may suffer.
For instance
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 was reported by
Canadian
Correct article usage
the Canadian
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 Prime
minister
Capitalize the proper name
Minister
show examples
 in 2025
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the
canadian
Capitalize the proper name
Canadian
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 faced
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of funds
as a result
Linking Words
 of providing free
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be completely free because it is the
Use synonyms
government
Check wording
government's
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 responsibility to provide better
healthcare
Use synonyms
 facilities to its
inhibitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
, In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
 viewpoints have their own advantages, I believe that a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
 approach is necessary because it is more practical for
both
Use synonyms
 individuals and society in the long run.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but the last line says 'a balance approach' and this does not fully match your main view that healthcare should be free.
task response
Add one or two clear ideas for each side. Now, each body part is short, so the discussion feels basic.
task response
Use examples with more care. Some examples sound weak or not fully real, so they do not strongly support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some links between ideas are too simple and repeated, like 'This is because' and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph one full unit with one main idea and enough support. Now, some points stop too early.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few parts are hard to follow because of missing words or wrong word form.
task response
You clearly discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow at the basic level because you use clear paragraphing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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