Prevention is better than cure – researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

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Prevention, which is basically the
avoidness
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avoidance
of disease before its
occurance
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occurrence
, can save millions of dollars annually. As a
resault
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result
, it is widely thought that investing in its measures is more beneficial
,
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apply
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than spending on
cure
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curing
diseases. I partially agree with
this
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opinion
and
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apply
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,
I
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and I
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will support my point of view by providing
relative
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relevant
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examples.
Firstly
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, preventive medicine is an essential part of the medical field
and
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apply
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,
its
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and its
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role in reducing the healthcare budget can not be neglected.
For instance
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, health
campiagns
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campaigns
to increase the awareness of diabetes in my community have reduced the amount of money spent on importing diabetic medications. Following a healthy lifestyle by consuming high protein food and exercising
,
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apply
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was
defenitely
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definitely
cost-effective not just in my country, but
also
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in many parts of the world.
In addition
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, the demonstration of good hand
hygine
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hygiene
in the media was able to
deacrese
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decrease
the number of patients admitted to
hopitals
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hospitals
suffering from
gastrointesstinal
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gastrointestinal
diseases.
This
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fact was confirmed by a
papper
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paper
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published by the Gulf Medical School.
However
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, there are various health issues which can not be prevented, considering the
last
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pandemic as an example. If governments did not spend on biological
researches
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research
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, scientists would not be able to develop a vaccine against
COVID-19
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the COVID-19
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virus.
So that
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Therefore
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, it is necessary to encourage medical
researching
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research
and
treating
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treat
show examples
diseases to face any serious condition in the future. In conclusion, prevention should always be considered as a priority in
global
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the global
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healthcare system.
Also
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, cure - researching and
illnesses
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illness
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treatment are
crucial
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a crucial
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part of
this
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system.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. Say exactly why you partly agree.
task response
Add one more clear idea in each body part and explain it a bit more.
task response
Use examples in a more direct way to support your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and punctuation because some lines are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion.
task response
You use real examples like diabetes campaigns and COVID-19 vaccine research.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like firstly, for instance, in addition, however, and in conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proactive
  • preventive measures
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health
  • healthcare expenditure
  • cost-effective
  • chronic conditions
  • early detection
  • immunization
  • health promotion
  • risk factors
  • non-communicable diseases
  • disease surveillance
  • preventive diagnostics
  • health literacy
  • universal healthcare
  • primary prevention
  • secondary prevention
  • tertiary prevention
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