IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside, while others believe that living in big cities offers more advantages. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays , many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
children
Use synonyms
 have to grow up in a useful
place
Use synonyms
 , there is two differnt opinions , some
people
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 blieve
that is
Linking Words
 better for
children
Use synonyms
 to grow up in the countryside,
while
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 others believe that living in a big
cities
Use synonyms
 offers more advantages, In my point of view I believe that
children
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 must to grow up In big
cities
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 to learn new things and have better job when they growv,
however
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 I
also
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 believe
children
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 must to grow up In the countryside, because its a quait
place
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 .
Firstly
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 , one of the main reasons is that it is better for
children
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 to grow up In countrysides ,
this
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 is because countrysides are peaseful and silent
place
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 it can help
children
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 to grow up in better enviroment ,
for example
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 they will know how to live and how to survive , because countrysides is unsafe and dangerous
place
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 , thats way they will know how to survive because they grow up there ,
as a result
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 coutryside are more challenging .
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 belive that living in a big
cities
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 offers more advantages ,the main reason for
this
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 is that
children
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 will grow up learning new things about new life , they will learn about the new generation ,
for example
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 technology, and new jobs ,
also
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 I believe that grow up in the
cities
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 are important because they will meet new
people
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 from diffrent countres ,
for instance
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 that will make them to know about other traditions and they will become educated.  In conclusion, the two opinions are positive , the bothe placese are good for
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 up .
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
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 I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it is better for
children
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 to grow up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
cities
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because
Punctuation problem
because,
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 as
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 said
before
Punctuation problem
before,
show examples
 they will learn about
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 lifestyle and they will meet new
people
Use synonyms
 from other countries.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Write one clear good point for the country and one clear good point for the city.
task response
Give a clearer opinion from the start and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Use simple real examples. Your ideas are there, but the examples are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the last one in a clear order.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like firstly, on the other hand, for example, and overall.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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