IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that
team
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sports
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such
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 as football and basketball give
children
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 the skills they need for their future careers,
while
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 others believe that individual
sports
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 like swimming or tennis are more beneficial. In my opinion, both types bring valuable lessons, but
team
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sports
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 offer better preparation for working life. On the one hand, individual
sports
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 teach
children
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 how to depend on themselves. An athlete who trains alone must manage his own time, set personal goals and stay motivated without support from teammates. These habits are clearly useful in the workplace, where employees are often judged by their personal results.
For example
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, a young swimmer learns discipline by waking up early every morning to practice, and
this
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 discipline can help him succeed in any job.
On the other hand
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,
team
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sports
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 develop social skills that are difficult to learn alone.
Children
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 who play in a
team
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 must communicate with others, share responsibility and accept different roles. Sometimes they must
also
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 deal with conflicts between players, which is similar to solving problems with colleagues in a company.
Moreover
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, modern companies value cooperation more than ever, because most projects are completed by groups rather than individuals. In conclusion,
although
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 individual
sports
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 build self-reliance and discipline, I believe
team
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sports
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 prepare
children
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 better for their professional life because almost every job requires working with other people. Parents should encourage their
children
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 to try both kinds of
sports
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, but they should not forget that the ability to cooperate is one of the most important skills in the modern world.

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task response
Add one more clear example for team sports to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain a little more why individual sports may be better for some jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Use one linking phrase like 'for this reason' or 'as a result' to show idea flow even more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are clear, but one sentence in each body paragraph could be a bit more developed.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your opinion clearly.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and stay on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well ordered and easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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