At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young aults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is often argued that some countries have a smaller elderly population than the youngesters.
While
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this
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issue
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has both advantages and disadvantages, I strongly believe that the benefits are more significant.
This
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essay will discuss both sides of the argument. There are several disadvantages associated with
this
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issue
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. One of the main drawbacks is that it requires a large number of available job opportunities.
This
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means that the job market would be more competitive, which can have a negative impact on career seekers
such
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as fresh graduates. Another negative point is that society needs more educational facilities.
This
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is often caused by an increasing number of students, especially when the educational infrastructure can not meet the high demands at the present time.
For example
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, a school which has only a limited number of classrooms ,which are already full, may not be able to offer sufficient empty spaces for new students.
On the other hand
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, the advantages of
this
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issue
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are more significant. One major merit is that young people play a crucial role in the productivity of companies in different sectors, which can positively affect the long-term economic growth of the country.
In addition
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, a reduction in healthcare costs is another positive point. If
this
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situation continues, it is likely to lead to lower pressure on the government.
For instance
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, younger people usually have higher levels of physical health;
as a result
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, they are less likely to use the government healthcare financial support. In conclusion,
this
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issue
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can bring both benefits and drawbacks.
However
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, I believe that its merits ,
such
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as positive impact on the country’s economic growth and reduction of healthcare costs, are more significant.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear early. Say clearly that the good points are stronger, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Add one more clear example or result for each main point. This will make your ideas more full and easy to trust.
task response
Explain the disadvantages a little more deeply. Now they are relevant, but they are a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep one main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words a little more carefully. Some are good, but too many similar phrases like 'one major merit' and 'another positive point' can sound repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and small punctuation problems, because they can make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answered both sides and gave your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are in a logical order, with disadvantages first and advantages next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • vibrant workforce
  • productive
  • innovative spirit
  • technological advancements
  • market changes
  • educational investment
  • tailored
  • evolving job market
  • economic growth
  • drivers of consumption
  • entrepreneurship
  • social challenges
  • strain
  • competition
  • underemployment
  • aging population
  • healthcare and pension systems
  • cultural gap
  • generational gaps
  • lifestyle choices
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