IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many individuals are using cosmetic
surgeries
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 to look good and sexy. Cosmetic
surgery
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 has taken the world all over. In the next paragraphs, I will be discussing the positive and negative effects of
plastic
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surgery
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. As times have changed now.
People
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 are more into fashion and social media. Social media is one of the specific reasons why
people
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 are getting into
operations
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. Today 90
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of individuals use social media and many of them watch the wrong content, they follow celebrities who are in the film industry and
people
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 try to imitate them. One of the reasons is, there is jealousy taking place like human beings.
For example
Linking Words
, youngsters try to compare themselves with others and they compete with other
people
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 in looking good and that's why they end up doing
operations
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. When human beings are done doing their
plastic
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surgery
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 sometimes that
surgery
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 does not go well and when they look at the final result of the operation they end up with grief because that was not actually how they thought how they were going to look. Sometimes
people
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 do not accept the law of nature
for instance
Linking Words
, they don'
t
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 have enough trust in God. They fail to understand that they should be grateful to God for how it has made them. These are some negative points about
plastic
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surgeries
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. I don'
t
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 think so I have some positive points to write about the
plastic
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surgeries
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 because I am really against it.
This
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 is not called development at all. I don'
t
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 think our youth is going in the right direction, it is going to ruin our coming generations if
this
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 is not stopped earlier.
Operations
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 are going to affect young children like how their parents are getting into
this
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, they will
also
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 do the same which is very sad. It is not good to get into
plastic
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surgery
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 just to look good.
People
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 should be encouraged to live a life as it is how God has given them. They shouldn'
t
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 be trying to change their appearance just to impress the public which is a shameful thing
according to
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 me. In conclusion, I would say that
people
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 should educate themselves to live a happy and peaceful life. They should concentrate on meditation to not get distracted by the influencers who spread the message of doing
operations
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 and
plastic
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surgeries
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 just to look good.

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Balanced Argument
Try to present both sides of the argument more evenly before stating your own opinion. Acknowledging the reasons why individuals might choose cosmetic surgery can make your argument stronger.
Specific Examples
Include specific examples or personal experiences to support your points better. This can add credibility and depth to your essay.
Structure
To enhance coherence, create clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and ensure each sentence supports the main point.
Linking
Linking words and phrases can help to connect ideas more smoothly within and across paragraphs. Use them effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
Perspective
Consider offering a more balanced view by acknowledging some potential positive aspects of cosmetic surgery, even if your overall stance is against it. This could enrich your discussion and demonstrate critical thinking.
Opinion
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task response.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarises your viewpoint well, reinforcing your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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