IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is an irrefutable fact that
due to
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 the growing population in cities, living in homes with limited or no outdoor space has become increasingly common.
While
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this
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 trend may have certain benefits, I believe that it represents negative development
due to
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 its impact on health and
overall
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 quality of life.
To begin
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 with, a lack of outdoor area adversely affects the physical and mental well-being of families. To elaborate
further
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, access to gardens, green areas or yards encourages physical activities and provides opportunities for relaxation.
For example
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, people who have outdoor
spaces
Use synonyms
 are more likely to participate in daily exercise, enjoy fresh air, and reduce their stress levels.
On the other hand
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, those living in small apartments without outdoor access may adopt a sedentary lifestyle that leads to health risks
such
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 as depression, anxiety, and obesity.
This
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 issue is particularly concerning for children, who require open space for their mental and physical development.
Furthermore
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, another point that should not be overlooked is the effect on social interaction and environmental well-being. To illustrate, outdoor
spaces
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in providing a central point where families can gather, strengthening their community bonds. To exemplify, the shared green places or gardens allow residents to interact more frequently and build a sense of belonging.
Moreover
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, the absence of gardens often causes environmental issues
such
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 as urban heat and poor air quality. Cities with inadequate shared
spaces
Use synonyms
 often experience higher temperatures and pollution levels, which
further
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 reduce residents’ comfort and well-being. In conclusion, I strongly assert that cities with restricted outdoor space can harm the physical and mental wellness of families.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 houses with small or no outdoor
spaces
Use synonyms
 may have less maintenance expenses, the significant disadvantages of
this
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 fashion should not be overlooked.

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task response
Score: 7. Your answer is clear and on topic, but some points need more proof. For example, say how a child in a small flat may have less room to play, or how a shared park can help people meet.
task response
The point about less home care cost is only in the last part. Put it in a main part, then explain why it is still not as important as the bad sides.
task response
Do not make claims that are too wide. A home with no garden does not always cause poor air or more heat. Say that too few green places in a city can make these problems worse.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your order is good, but the second main part has two big ideas: people meeting and the city environment. They may be clearer as two parts, or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words repeat or do the same job. For example, “To illustrate” and “To exemplify” are very close. Use one, then give the example.
coherence and cohesion
Make each first line more direct. For example: “Lack of outdoor space can also harm social life and the city environment.” This tells the reader what the part will say.
task response
You give a clear view: this is a negative change. You keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
Your main ideas are on health, family life, people meeting each other, and city air and heat. These ideas fit the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: start, two main parts, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with”, “Furthermore”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • social interaction
  • community bonding
  • mental well-being
  • urban biodiversity
  • urban heat island effect
  • energy-efficient
  • affordable housing
  • cramped living conditions
  • innovative architecture
  • interior design
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • quality of life
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