Many people today are moving from small villages to the big cities. Give the reasons why people do this and give some problems it might cause
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic → Introduction
NowadaysPunctuation problem
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people are
changing their housesVerb problem
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from small towns to big
.
Body paragraph 1
, on
oneCorrect article usage
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hand, finding work
atChange preposition
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big
is more than in
.
, the facilities there
isCorrect subject-verb agreement
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more diverse.
the way that people
livesCorrect subject-verb agreement
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in
is different in a good way
thanChange preposition
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.
, the way
that Correct pronoun usage
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the houses
madeVerb problem
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is more modern.
, goods are available in
because of
transportationCorrect article usage
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there.
, the capital is more open-minded than the
.
Body paragraph 2
,
statement might cause a side effect.
the population in
may be
increaseWrong verb form
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, so the cost of living is rising.
people will stay in
and
becomeVerb problem
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abandoned.
, the development of
will affect village residents very negatively.
Conclusion
ToChange preposition
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conclusion, living in
withChange preposition
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different reasons may
harmsWrong verb form
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the
countryCheck wording
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situation.
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Score: 5. You answer both parts, but your ideas need more detail. Explain why city jobs are easier to find and why this matters to people.
Some points are not clear. For example, 'the development of cities will affect village residents very negatively' needs an explanation. Say what happens: villages may lose workers, schools, shops, and doctors.
Use one clear example for each main point. For example, a young person may move to a city for a better-paid job, but then pay high rent.
Your ending should clearly sum up the main reasons and main problems. Do not only say that city life harms the country.
Score: 5. Your order is clear, but some sentences do not connect well. Put close ideas together in one paragraph.
The first body paragraph has too many different reasons in a short space. Choose two or three main reasons and explain each one.
Use links more carefully. 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' are best for two opposite views. Here, use 'There are several reasons' and 'However, this can cause problems'.
Start with a short introduction that says you will discuss both reasons and problems. End with a clear conclusion.
You give reasons for moving to cities, such as work, better services, modern homes, and goods.
You also give problems, such as more people in cities, higher living costs, and empty villages.
The essay has a clear two-part plan: reasons first, then problems.
You use simple linking words such as Firstly, Also, For example, Moreover, and Finally.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example