IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Hence, sugary products should be taxed to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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It is admitted that the frequent
consumption
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 of sugary
products
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 is harmful to
health
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. Sugary foods,
as well as
Linking Words
 sweet drinks, should be
encouraged to be
Verb problem
made
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 more expensive until consumers view excessive
sugar
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consumption
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 negatively. I disagree with
this
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 notion. On the one hand, imposing a relevant tax and increasing the prices of sugary
products
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 can have an immediate effect on society.
Consequently
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, food and drink prices will become higher, which contributes to better
health
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due to
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 lower
consumption
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.
On the other hand
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, sugary food can have an additional effect on individuals, as it may result in an unbalanced diet. Some plant-based
products
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 or fruits are
categorized
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categorised
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 as sugary
products
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, which may prevent consumers from including natural
sugar
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 in their daily diet. Fruits contain naturally derived
sugar
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 with no additives and come with vitamins, which are beneficial for
stabilizing
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stabilising
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 blood
sugar
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 levels and supporting
overall
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health
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.
Therefore
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, imposing restrictions on all sugary
products
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 without distinguishing between natural and added sugars can have adverse consequences for human
health
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, as it may discourage the
consumption
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 of nutrient-rich foods that are essential for maintaining a balanced diet.
In addition
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, price increases could affect companies' sales. Some commercial
organizations specializing
Correct word order
organisations specialising
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 in sugary
products
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 may experience an abrupt shift in demand, leading to rising bankruptcy and unemployment rates. In conclusion, I disagree with setting an exorbitant tax on sugary
products
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 because it may negatively affect both consumers and businesses.
Although
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 it can reduce excessive
sugar
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consumption
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, it may
also
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 discourage people from consuming healthy natural sugars and create economic problems for companies.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on the topic and your view is clear, but the first paragraph is not fully clear. You say sugary foods “should be encouraged to be more expensive”, then you say you disagree. Say clearly that you do not think all sugary products should be taxed.
task response
Do not treat fruit and sweet drinks as the same kind of product. The question is mainly about food and drinks with a lot of added sugar. Say that a tax could be for products with added sugar, not for fruit.
task response
Your business point needs more support. Explain why job loss would be large, or add a simple example. Also, a tax may lead firms to make food with less sugar, so answer this other side of the point.
coherence and cohesion
Your body paragraph has too many ideas: price, health, fruit, diet, firms, jobs. Put health in one body paragraph and business in a second body paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
“On the one hand” and “On the other hand” do not fit well here because both parts support your view. Use “First” and “Second”, or “However”, instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. This will help the reader see why each point matters.
task response
You give a clear view: you disagree. You also give two main reasons: health and business effects.
task response
Your main health point is relevant. You explain that fruit has natural sugar and also has vitamins.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, a main body, and an end. Your last paragraph repeats your main view well.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “In addition” to show the flow of ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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