IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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 modern era, the widespread
of
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use of
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the
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apply
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technology has enabled many individuals to perform
work
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 virtually.
While
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this
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 development has some drawbacks, I believe that the upsides outweigh the downsides because it provides greater flexibility and efficiency.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides before explaining why I hold
this
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 view. One of the greatest advantages of working from home is that it provides greater flexibility. Employers can
work
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 in their own space without getting tied to a particular location.
This
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 not only will improve their
work
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-life balance but it
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also
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will also
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 enhance their productivity. Another advantage is that it will improve
the
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apply
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efficiency. Staff
does
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do
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 not need to travel to
work
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, which saves
their
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them
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 time
and
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, and
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 they can attend family commitments. To exemplify, working parents can able to attend family events
while
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 maintaining productivity
in
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at
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work
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.
Therefore
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,
remove
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removing
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 jobs
are
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is
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 beneficial for employees.  Admittedly, one disadvantage is that employees feel more isolated when they
work
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 virtually.
This
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 reduces face-to-face interaction, which may lead to affect team
work
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 and collaboration in some
organizations
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organisations
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.
Also
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,
this
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 may sometimes blur boundaries between
work
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 and personal life. People feel
stress
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stressed
 out and burnout when they can access their
work
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 from home
,
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;
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as a result
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, they may feel pressured.
Consequently
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,
this
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 negative side is relatively minor compared with
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overall
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the overall
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 benefits. In conclusion,
although
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 working remotely reduces social interaction, I believe that the advantages clearly outweigh its disadvantages. The flexibility and efficiency in
work
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 provide long-term benefits to the working staff.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is on topic and your view is clear. To get a higher score, explain each main point more fully. For example, say how no travel can give workers more time, less stress, and more energy for work.
task response
Your example is useful, but it is too short and has some unclear parts. Write one clear example: “For example, a parent can take a child to school and then start work at home, so less time is lost.”
task response
Be more careful with the final weighing. You say the bad points are minor, but you do not fully show why. Explain why work calls, group tools, or set work hours can make these problems smaller.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Put one main idea in each paragraph and add clear support after it. In the first body paragraph, you mix freedom, work-life balance, more output, saved travel time, and family time. This is a lot for one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. “Therefore, remove jobs are beneficial” does not clearly follow from the ideas before it. Use: “For these reasons, remote work can be good for workers.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas more clear. For example: “However, remote work can also make people feel alone. This is because they do not meet work friends in person each day.”
coherence and cohesion
Small word fixes will make your meaning easier to follow: use “remote jobs”, not “remove jobs”; “workers”, not “employers”; “can attend”, not “can able to attend”; and “feel stressed and burned out”, not “feel stress out and burnout”.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You show a clear view that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Your main good points are clear: more freedom and less travel time. You also give two bad points: less contact with others and less clear work-home limits.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, good points, bad points, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “While”, “Another advantage”, “Also”, “Consequently”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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