IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the cademic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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There is no denying the fact that
information
Use synonyms
 is indispensable these days.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that
information
Use synonyms
 should be shared publicly, especially in scientific research,
corporation
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corporations
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, and the academic sector. There is an opposing
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 stating that a proportion of
information
Use synonyms
 is too necessary and valuable to be shared with no limitations. On one hand, proponents of sharing
information
Use synonyms
 often point to the opportunities ambitious individuals could benefit from.
In other words
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, talents may be discovered from the shared business reports and scientific
researches
Replace the word
research
.
In addition
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, sharing data could potentially create entrepreneurs in diverse fields.
For instance
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,
an
Correct article usage
a
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 finance student
in
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at
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 an American University figured out a way to do cash flows in only 15 minutes using advanced technologies, and he said in an interview that public
information
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 about budgets of hundreds of companies helped him to invent
this
Linking Words
 method.
On the other hand
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, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 some
information
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 that may cause issues if
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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 were published. The primary reason is that some data are dangerous and life-threatening. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in nuclear centres
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 if any
information
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 about
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 methods or experiments
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 shared by accident, it will potentially cause deaths because some people are curious to conduct hazardous experiments.
Furthermore
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, critics of publishing all
information
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 are concerned
of
Change preposition
about
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 some controversial data that creates social uncertainty. In conclusion, there is no straightforward response to the presented question
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the benefit of humanity should be prioritized,
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therefore
Correct word choice
apply
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information
Use synonyms
 should be shared
as
Rephrase
as much as
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 possible in various fields.

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task response
Make your own view clearer. Say what kind of information should be shared, and what kind should not be shared. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how open information helps science, schools, and business, not only ambitious people.
task response
Your business example is a little unclear and may not sound real. Use a simple, clear example, such as shared health data helping doctors find new ways to treat a disease.
task response
In the last line, write “information should be shared as much as possible”, but add that dangerous or private information must be kept safe.
coherence cohesion
The first paragraph is long and has two views in one sentence. Split it into shorter sentences for easier reading.
coherence cohesion
Keep the same focus in each body part. In body one, talk about the good points of sharing. In body two, talk about why some data must stay private.
coherence cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be clearer. For example, explain why public business reports would help a student create a new method.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating “information” too often. You can use simple words such as “data”, “research”, “reports”, or “this material” when they fit.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view in the end.
task response
Your examples about business data and nuclear work are linked to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence cohesion
You use clear linking words such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Open access
  • Intellectual property
  • Transparency
  • Collaboration
  • Proprietary information
  • Competitive edge
  • Innovation
  • Sensitive data
  • Industry standards
  • Commercialization
  • Democratize
  • Misuse
  • Ethical implications
  • National security
  • Data protection
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