Some people say that in the digital age, theaters and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment online. Others argue that theaters and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, several
people
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believe that
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are not as important as before.
While
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,
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apply
show examples
other
people
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think that
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are still as common as usual.
This
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essay will discuss both views, and I will give my own opinion. On the one hand, there are some reasons for
people
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who think these are not important anymore.
First,
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multiple
people
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prefer to watch
movies
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at home because it is a safe time and cheaper. They feel relaxed
while
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,
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apply
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watching their
movies
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without any roles.
Also
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, some
people
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like to have a real meal when they watch
movies
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, not just a sample snack.
Second,
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they could watch their
movies
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online rather than sitting through them.
Also
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, some
people
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who are often busy prefer to use online
instead
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of going to
theatres
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or
cinemas
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because it saves time.
On the other hand
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, plenty of
people
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believe that
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are still important.
First,
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theatres
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and
cinemas
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preserve culture and art.
Also
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, they can be useful in other way
such
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as creating jobs for students.
For example
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,
people
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know about many different cultures and traditions from
theaters
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theatres
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and
cinemas
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.
Second,
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many
people
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have fun when they go to
theatres
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and
cinemas
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.
Theatres
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and
cinemas
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became part of society and the most common idea for spending time with friends and family.
Therefore
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, they become the most enjoyable activities and the common way to gain knowledge about the cultures. In conclusion,
while
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watching entertainment online becomes more popular,
theatres
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and
cinemas
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still offer a unique cultural and social experience that makes them valuable. I believe that
theatres
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and
cinemas
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are still important for economic and cultural reasons.

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task response
Estimated score: 5. Your answer covers both views, but some ideas need more detail. Explain why watching at home is better, and why cinemas and theatres help the economy and culture.
task response
Use examples that are more clear. For jobs, say that cinemas need ticket staff, food staff, cleaners, and workers. For culture, say that theatres can show local stories and live art.
task response
Some points are not clear. “They feel relaxed while watching their movies without any roles” does not show a clear reason. Say: “At home, people can pause a film and watch it at any time.”
task response
Be careful with the question words. It asks if theatres and cinemas are important for economic and cultural reasons. Write more about money, jobs, art, history, and local life.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the first body part, talk only about home viewing. In the second body part, talk only about the value of cinemas and theatres.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas more natural. Do not use “Also” too many times. You can use “For this reason”, “In addition”, or “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well. For example, “They could watch their movies online rather than sitting through them” is not clear. Say: “They can watch films online at home, so they do not need to travel to a cinema.”
coherence and cohesion
Your end is good, but make it stronger by repeating both key points: theatres and cinemas give jobs and keep culture and art alive.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view in the end.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: home viewing is cheap and saves time, while cinemas and theatres give culture, jobs, and time with others.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, one side, the other side, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “First”, “Second”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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