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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise

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With the rapid growth of technology, advanced innovative tools are being implemented in every field, including medicine. Owing to these developments, a significant number of
diseases
Use synonyms
 can be prevented through vaccines.
This
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 tendency has sparked an intense debate about vaccination. A number of individuals believe that there should be rigid regulations for parents to vaccinate their
children
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 against certain
diseases
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,
whereas
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 others claim that it must be at one's discretion.
To begin
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 with, the invention of a vaccine was one of the best medical achievements, and it has saved the lives of millions of people so far. To hinder the spread of serious
diseases
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 beforehand or avoid a pandemic or epidemic, medical professionals have always recommended that
children
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 be immunised from an early age.
This
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 is mainly because of the fact that kids are not aware of the consequences of illnesses. As
children
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's immune systems are not strong enough, viruses and bacteria may harm them more easily.
Therefore
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, governments ought to introduce mandatory laws requiring parents to vaccinate their offspring.
On the other hand
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, a number of individuals claim that some vaccines have side effects that may be more dangerous than the illness.
Furthermore
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, in rural areas, the majority of individuals underrate medical advancements and prefer traditional methods to fight off
diseases
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. These sceptical views result in some people considering that compulsory vaccination is absurd. In conclusion, the well-being of
children
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 is crucial.
Thus
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, I firmly believe that mandatory vaccination must be regulated by law, at least against common
diseases
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.

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overall score
Estimated score: 7. The essay is clear, well planned, and answers the question. To reach a higher score, explain your ideas more fully and use a real or clear example.
task response
Your first main point is good, but the reason “kids are not aware of the consequences of illnesses” does not strongly show why the law is needed. Say more about how one unvaccinated child can pass a disease to other children, babies, or older people.
task response
The other side is too short. Explain why some parents fear side effects, then show why this fear should not stop rules for common vaccines. You can say that doctors check vaccine safety and that serious side effects are rare.
task response
Add one specific example. For example: if most children get a vaccine, a child with a weak body may also be safer because the disease has less chance to spread.
task response
Your final view is clear, but “at least against common diseases” could be explained. State that laws should cover vaccines that are safe, well tested, and needed to stop serious disease.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which is good. However, make the link between sentences stronger. In the first body part, move from children’s weak bodies to the wider public need: protecting one child also helps protect others.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part needs a clearer end. After giving the other view, add a sentence that returns to your view, such as: “However, these fears should not be a reason to put other children at risk.”
coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many long opening words. “With the rapid growth of technology” is not needed for this question. Start more directly: “Vaccines can prevent many childhood diseases, but some people disagree about whether they should be required by law.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, direct links inside paragraphs: “This means that…”, “As a result…”, and “For this reason…”. These will make the steps in your argument easier to see.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own clear view: parents should be required by law to vaccinate children.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: vaccines protect children and can help stop the spread of disease.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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