IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people feel that social media encourages antisocial behaviour, such as bullying and cheating, while others disagree that this is the case. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People
Use synonyms
 believe social media is causing
anitisocial
Correct your spelling
antisocial
 and social-harassment,
wheresa
Correct your spelling
whereas
 I agree with
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 assume that it
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
possibly
Replace the word
possible
 to happen in
the
Correct article usage
this
show examples
 case. In
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain and give examples. On the one hand, it is commonly believed that social media is playing a major role
to impact
Change preposition
in impacting
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to become antisocial. One of the most impotant reason is that comparison and pressure on internet have dramatically effects to invididuals nowaday.
People
Use synonyms
addictedly
Correct your spelling
addictively
 scroll on social
network
Use synonyms
 and see a lots of successful posts, and start comparing themself that contribute them to
have
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
 depression.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest research
condected
Correct your spelling
conducted
 by Bangkok University, it is revealed that almost 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of students feel
depress
Replace the word
depressed
 when they are sliding online platforms and always
slipt
Correct your spelling
slipping
 away from group
class
Check wording
classes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 example shows that online
network
Use synonyms
 plays a
vatal
Correct your spelling
vital
 role in
anitisocial
Correct your spelling
antisocial behaviour
. On the other side of the coin, it seems not to be
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 me that social
network
Use synonyms
 does not shape individuals to be antisocial. The most significant reason is that there are a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
show examples
 of factors to help us to distract from these negative consequences since
network
Use synonyms
porviders
Correct your spelling
providers
 have
function
Correct article usage
a function
show examples
 to set our profile to be private. All in all, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that bad behaviour is caused by social
media
Punctuation problem
media,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others suppose that it is attributed to other matters. From my point of view, both of them are true
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in turn encourages those individuals to behave aggressively and furiously in their lives and on the Internet.

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task response
Score: 4. Your main ideas are there, but your view is not clear. At first, you say social media may not cause this. At the end, you say both sides are true. Choose one clear view and keep it from start to end.
task response
Write about both bullying and cheating. Your first main paragraph is mostly about feeling sad and being alone. This is not the same as bullying or cheating.
task response
Give one clear reason and one clear example for each side. For example, social media can make bullying easy because people can post bad words with no name. On the other side, people can use it to talk with friends and get help.
task response
Your second main paragraph is too short. The idea about private profiles is not enough. Add how this can stop bad acts, and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 4. Your essay has a basic order, but some parts do not link well. The first paragraph says social media causes people to be antisocial. The next paragraph says it does not. Then the last paragraph says both are true. Make the order and your view clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the two sides: “First,” “For example,” “However,” and “In my view.” Do not use “On the other side of the coin”; “On the other hand” is better.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph follow one plan: main idea, why, example, and short end sentence. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words are not in the right order. Keep sentences short. For example: “Many people spend hours online. They see posts about rich or happy lives. This can make them feel bad about their own lives.”
task response
You discuss both sides and you give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph starts: “On the one hand” and “On the other side”.
coherence and cohesion
You have an opening and a final paragraph.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial behavior
  • cyberbullying
  • harassment
  • cheating
  • dishonesty
  • positive social interactions
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • opinion
  • controversial
  • debate
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