IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that bicycles are the best mode of transport in the cities, while others disagree. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, it has been suggested
across
Correct word choice
that across
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 the world
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 are using
bicycles
Use synonyms
 as a popular mode of transport. A few individuals argue that pedal cycles are
efficient
Correct article usage
an efficient
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 way of travelling
Correct word choice
apply
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whereas
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,
some
Correct word choice
whereas some
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 other dissidents bring forward the notion. There are some advantages and disadvantages to
this
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 trend. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both views and give relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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 regarding
present
Correct article usage
the present
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 situation. On the one hand, there are numerous more benefits to cycling.
Firstly
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,
introducing
Replace the word
the introduction
 of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 in societies leads to a decrease in greenhouse gas emissions and air contamination. To make an example, it
also
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 removes traffic jam is actively using
of
Change preposition
apply
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private cars because it has zero contribution towards
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 damage.
In other words
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, a recent study has
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 that about 98% of
Dutch
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the Dutch
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nation
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population
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 do not suffer from severe health
illness
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illnesses
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,
such
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 as diabetes and heart attack
since
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, since
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 their childhood
,
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;
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 they have chosen two-wheelers as a mechanism of transport.
Thus
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,
this
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 is beneficial in large cities owing to the fact that
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 can ride their bikes in a separate lane and
ought
Verb problem
do
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 not
to
Verb problem
have to
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 wait in traffic jams. Despite these prerogatives, there are obvious disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 bikes. First of all,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are not as convenient as cars or public transport
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
also
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 do not include delightful
vehicles
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features
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 like air conditioning and entertainment. Alternatively,
due to
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 the factors mentioned above, a person may get tired if they ride a bike for hours. So, in that
way
Add a comma
way,
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bicycles
Use synonyms
 are becoming unpopular among city visitors. In conclusion, the benefits of using
bicycles
Use synonyms
 easily outweigh the adverse characteristics.
Bicycles
Use synonyms
 are helping visitors by avoiding traffic congestion and time delays,
as well as
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 why people are reluctant to ride a bicycle
due to
Linking Words
 its tiredness and limited parking options

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are on the right topic, but some parts are not fully clear. Say why bikes are the best in cities, and why some people do not agree, in a more direct way.
task response
Give one clear example for each side. The Dutch example is not well linked to your main point, and the number “98%” may not be true. A simple city example would be better.
task response
Your end adds “limited parking options”, but this point was not explained in the body. Do not add new ideas in the end. Repeat your main view instead.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, talk only about air, health, and traffic. In the next part, talk only about time, weather, safety, and tiredness.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are hard to follow. For example, “To make an example, it also removes traffic jam is actively using of private cars” is not clear. Write short, direct lines: “Bikes can cut traffic because fewer people use cars.”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a clear way: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In my view”. Do not use too many hard or unclear words.
task response
You discuss both sides: bikes can cut air harm and traffic, but they can be hard and tiring to use.
task response
Your view is clear in the end: you think bikes are more good than bad.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Firstly”, “In other words”, “Despite”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Zero Emissions
  • Cardiovascular Exercise
  • Cost-Effective
  • Traffic Congestion
  • Green Environment
  • Vulnerable to Accidents
  • Insufficient Bike Lanes
  • Weather Conditions
  • Urban Areas
  • Practicality
  • Infrastructure
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