IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The younger sister of one of your friends is thinking about spending a year studying abroad as part of her university course. You did this recently, and she has asked you about your experience. Write a letter to your friend's sister. In your letter • tell her where you studied during your year abroad • describe what you learnt about the country you studied in • explain why your year abroad was helpful for your studies Begin your letter as follows: Dear .....................,

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Dear Saraha, I am writing you
letter
Correct article usage
a letter
show examples
 because Paul told me that you are going to Canada for your
further
Linking Words
 University Course study. I
also
Linking Words
 have recently
graduate
Wrong verb form
graduated
show examples
 from
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 Campus. I will share my experience in
this
Linking Words
 letter.
Firstly
Linking Words
, my course was
Computer Science bachelors
Correct word order
a Bachelor's in Computer Science
show examples
 for 4 years. I've studied in Brampton Campus. Same as yours. The city is quiet and peacefull and there are plenty of libraries near the university.
Also
Linking Words
 in winter's
this
Linking Words
 place becomes snow mountain. I have learned so many vitial thing that you will learn in future. Cooking is the first thing in which I get my hands on, because without good
food
Punctuation problem
food,
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 it is hard to survive.
Also
Linking Words
, with the time I get used to
with
Change preposition
apply
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money management
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 it
helped
Verb problem
has helped
show examples
 me a lot.
It's Study
Replace the word
Studying
 abroad helps me a lot in my life because many companies prefer degrees from forigen well known university.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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 with great
knowledge
Punctuation problem
knowledge,
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 I get six figure job. I think that's all
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I am
egarly
Correct your spelling
eagerly
 waiting for your response
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 all the best for your
further
Linking Words
 studies. Yours kindly, ARYAN.

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task response
Score: 5. Add more true detail about Canada, not only the city. For example, say what you learned about its people, weather, food, or way of life. Also explain more clearly how the year helped your university work, not only your job.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Keep one main idea in each part. Make the second part about Canada, the next part about what you learned, and the last part about your course. Use simple links such as “First”, “Then”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”.
task response
Use a more warm letter style. Start with “Dear Sarah,” and say “I am writing to tell you about my year abroad.” End with “Best wishes,” or “Yours sincerely,”.
coherence and cohesion
Check names and word forms. “Saraha” should be “Sarah”. “I am writing you letter” should be “I am writing you a letter”. Short, clear sentences will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer all three main parts: where you studied, what you learned, and how the year helped your studies.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Words like “Firstly” and “Also” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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