IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet, and they can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is an increasingly common idea nowadays that attending
school
Use synonyms
 is not a vital part of children's lives because they could study the same subjects and concepts at home, with the availability of information through the internet. From my perspective, I firmly disagree with the given statement.
Initially
Linking Words
, a child could make new relationships and connections during
school
Use synonyms
. Which effectively means it enhances confidence and soft skills that will benefit him in the future,
also
Linking Words
 connections could help him
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 by opportunities or business partnerships
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 later life.
In addition
Linking Words
, these relationships and
school
Use synonyms
 years will be
non-forgetted
Replace the word
unforgettable
 memories when he graduates.
For instance
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, a recent study from an American University revealed that 70 per cent of individuals have the dream of going back to
school
Use synonyms
 years.
Furthermore
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, the education centre is a daily routine that prevents autism and boredom
,
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;
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 it is not only a place to receive theoretical information.
In other words
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, online education could potentially cause autism and depression
as a result
Linking Words
 of not engaging with members of society.
Moreover
Linking Words
, schools provide beneficial mentorship that remote learning will never be able to provide. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in the majority of schools, where there is a Department of Mentorship that mainly focuses on assisting students to achieve their personal objectives and shape strong personalities. In conclusion, despite individuals holding varied points of view, I firmly believe that it is essential for minors to pursue early levels at an educational facility because of
advantageous
Correct article usage
the advantageous
show examples
 perks that
remote
Correct article usage
a remote
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school
Use synonyms
 do not provide.

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task response
Overall score: 6. Your view is clear, but some ideas are not strong enough for a higher score. Talk more directly about why children cannot study just as well at home. For example, say that teachers can explain hard work, check progress, and give fast help.
task response
Be careful with big claims. Saying home study can cause autism is not correct and is not well supported. Use safer ideas, such as loneliness, less group work, or less chance to speak with other children.
task response
Your example about 70 per cent of people wanting to go back to school does not prove that schools are needed. Use an example that clearly supports your point, such as a child who needs a teacher’s help with maths or reading.
task response
Develop each point more. Explain how making friends at school helps children learn to share, work in teams, and deal with problems. Then link this back to why home study is not enough.
coherence and cohesion
Do not start a new sentence with “Which”. Join it to the sentence before it. For example: “At school, children can make new friends, which helps them build confidence and social skills.”
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. In the first main part, the point moves from friends to future business links to happy memories. Choose one main line and explain it well.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer link words when they do not add meaning. Good links are useful, but the key is clear cause and result between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence more clear. Instead of “advantages perks that remote school do not provide”, write: “schools offer social contact and teacher support that home study cannot fully give.”
task response
You give a clear answer: you disagree. You also give two main reasons: school helps children meet people, and school gives help beyond lessons.
task response
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. It answers all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order. Words such as “Initially”, “Furthermore”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one main idea, so the essay is easy to read.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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