IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Your English-speaking friend has asked for your help with a college project he/she is doing about celebrating New Year in different countries. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter say how important New Year is to people in your country describe how New Year is celebrated in your country explain what you like about New Year celebrations in your country You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear,

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Dear Susan, I hope you are well. I'm so glad that you are asking me to help with your school project about celebrating the New Year in different countries. I want to give you an example of my country, how we take part in the Myanmar New Year festival in April. It's been popular and vital in the world for so many decades
due to
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 the fact that it's the traditional heritage for all citizens. In that time, we gracefully throw water at others
,
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apply
show examples
while
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 enjoying Thingyan songs throughout the roads.
Also
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, we can watch lots of stage performances in City Hall, where many singers or celebrities actively entertain with amusing music. The reason why I like
this
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 is
due to
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 the fact that it is the long vacation time for gathering family members, who have been working or studying in different districts. Wish you get flying colours in your project. With love, Swe Zin Moe

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task response
Score: 7. Add one or two more clear details about why New Year is important to people in Myanmar. For example, say that it is a time for a new start and for family.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Put each main point in its own paragraph: importance, celebrations, and what you like. Use simple links such as 'First', 'Also', and 'Finally'.
language
Use more natural words: say 'on the streets' instead of 'throughout the roads', and 'during this time' instead of 'in that time'.
task response
You answer all three parts: why New Year is important, how people celebrate it, and what you like about it.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, main part, and ending. The greeting and closing are warm and right for a friend.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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