Some people believe that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, while others argue that schools should benefit them as individuals. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many
individuals
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consider that the main aim of
schools
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is to turn students into good citizens and workers, whilst some people believe that
schools
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need to benefit them as
individuals
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.
This
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essay will discuss both opinions and support the latter perspective. On the one hand, it is widely believed that educational centres should encourage learners to become good members of
society
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. They believe that
school
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is the best place to bring up children to behave themselves and teach them to become good workers for
society
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. It is clearly seen that
schools
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should teach learners to behave themselves in public places in order to reduce offenders.
Furthermore
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, teach them in their
school
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years only one field that they would develop during these years after ending
schools
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and become the best parts of
society
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.
On the other hand
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, many people think that
school
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ought to benefit them as people, and I agree with
this
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opinion. The public considers that each learner has their own life and path; because of
this
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, educational centres need to support them to achieve their personal goals.
In addition
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, it is obvious that if
schools
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support them as
individuals
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, students may have a vivid future that brings benefits to the public.
For instance
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, some of them can achieve the purpose
to be
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of being
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a surgeon and treat patients quickly, provide medical treatment, and prevent dangerous diseases.
As a result
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, they can find their own purposes
though
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through
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the
school
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system.
To conclude
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,
although
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some
individuals
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consider that
schools
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are required to turn kids into good members of
society
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, others believe that learners should have benefits from
school
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as
individuals
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, and I agree with the latter option.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion. But some ideas are too general. Explain why schools should help the person more fully.
task response
For task response, you discuss both sides, so this is good. But the first side is not well developed and has unclear parts. Add one clear reason and one simple example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some links between ideas are weak. A few sentences are hard to follow. Use short clear sentences and simple link words like first, also, for example, and so.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some main points need more support. Your example about a surgeon is good, but the first body paragraph needs a better example too.
task response
You answer the question and you clearly say that you agree with the second view.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, which is important for this essay type.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion, so the essay shape is clear.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like On the one hand, On the other hand, Furthermore, For instance, and As a result.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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