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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table gives information about the percentage of students' attendance in four groups of secondary schools between 2000 and 2009.

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The table chart illustrates key information about the proportions of pupils' attendance in four different categories of high school between 2000 and 2009
Overall
Linking Words
,specialist
schools
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, grammar
schools
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,and voluntary-controlled
schools
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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have decreased dramatically over time.
Whereas
Linking Words
community
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schools
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 spiked dramatically. In 2000,the highest proportion was voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 , where it was 52%.The second highest amount of attendance was grammar school with 24%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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community
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schools
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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and specialist
schools
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 had the same percentage of 12%.By the year 2005, voluntary-controlled
schools
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 still had the highest,with nearly 38%.
Community
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schools
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 started to catch up , having 32% attendence. In 2009,
community
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schools
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 had the highest percentage with 58%.
In addition
Linking Words
 voluntry-controlled
schools
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 dropped to 20%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, grammar
schools
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 nearly stayed the same
where
Punctuation problem
, where
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 it became 10%,but specialist
schools
Use synonyms
 decresed till it became 12% in the year 2009.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words schools, community with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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