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Band 6.5

Many children today are overweight. This is a serious health issue. Give the reasons for child obesity and give solutions to fix this problem.

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Introduction
A high percentage of
children
Use synonyms
 today suffer from obesity. It is a dangerous risk to their health. The dangers of being overweight have affected youth in horrible ways.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasons and solutions to child obesity.
Body paragraph 1
There are multiple reasons for the increase in child obesity.
First,
Linking Words
junk
food
Use synonyms
 has become too common.
Children
Use synonyms
 have been eating unhealthy snacks
instead
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 of nutritious
food
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. Artificial ingredients have been added to almost every
food
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, which adds to the problem. Fast
food
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 is high in calories
as well as
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 trans fat.
Second,
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children
Use synonyms
 spend countless hours online , which has created a sedentary life. Screentime on their tablets and other devices serves to distract them . Being home all day has made
children
Use synonyms
 forget that they can go play outside.
Finally
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, young people now prefer computer games over sports. Parents have been allowing kids to play games
instead
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 of exercising.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there are
also
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 a number of solid solutions to prevent the overweight issue.
Firstly
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, parents need to provide healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Instead
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 of ordering junk
food
Use synonyms
, they can cook at home. Providing vegetables as a substitute for their snacks is
also
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 smart.
Second,
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less screen time can help with laziness. Less technology will allow the kids to spend their energy on something healthy.
Lastly
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, clubs are necessary for
children
Use synonyms
 to exercise and be active. Physical clubs and gyms can offer all types of programs. It may
also
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 teach the youth how to spend their time in a healthy manner.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see that without a doubt, there are many reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 are gaining weight.
However
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, it is easy to acknowledge that there is an equal number of solutions.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: why children gain too much weight and how to help. To make your answer stronger, explain each main point more fully. For example, say why junk food causes weight gain and how home-made meals can help.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. “Artificial ingredients” are not always the main cause of weight gain. Focus more on food with much sugar, fat, and calories, and give one clear real-life example.
task response
Your solutions fit the causes, but say who should act. Parents can plan meals and limit device time; schools can give more sport time; local groups can offer low-cost clubs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, three body parts, and an ending. The order is easy to follow: causes first and solutions next.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. You repeat “First”, “Second”, and “Lastly”. You can also use “Another cause is”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. Do not say there is an “equal number of solutions”; instead, sum up the main causes and the best ways to deal with them.
task response
You stay on the topic throughout and give clear causes, such as junk food, too much screen time, and less sport.
task response
Your ideas about home cooking, healthy snacks, less screen time, and exercise clubs are useful and fit the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, so the reader can follow your ideas without trouble.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending brings the essay to a close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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