IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are a variety of arguments about whether competition is more beneficial to society than cooperation. Some claim that competing against each other can help us to develop our abilities and use our resources effectively.
However
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, others assume that cooperation is more important since many social problems in modern
community
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communities
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 require collaboration.
This
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 essay agrees more with the latter view than the former view.
To begin
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 with, people will try to acquire honourable results when they are in competition. As competition usually entails rewards
such
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 as high wages, personal success, and authority
for
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over
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 a superior person, they will dedicate their goals.
For example
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, research published by Seoul National University showed that students made better academic performances when they were given a relative grade than an absolute one.
In contrast
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, unity is necessary to solve the abundant social problems in modern civilization. Since
public
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the public
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 has become more and more complex and collective, what result someone makes affects what people are doing even on the opposite side of the world. With any circumstances that we counter, it will be going around in circles if all participants in the world aren’t concerned.
For instance
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, there are a number of environmental problems we should alleviate. In terms of the emission of carbon dioxide, many countries are trying to reduce it
while
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 some countries still release immense amounts of gas, focusing on only industrial development. In conclusion,
although
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 both views are convincing, it seems obvious that cooperation can play a more pivotal role in modern society.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and make it more prominent.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like 'first', 'second', 'on the other hand', and 'finally' to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. One example may not be enough to convey your ideas clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion in your essay that you support throughout your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument clearly and concisely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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