IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that saving
money
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 plays an essential role in life.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that everyone, including young
people
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, should save
money
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 for their future, there is
also
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 a strong argument against
this
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 view. In my opinion, I believe that individuals have the right to spend their
money
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 as they like, especially the youth.
To begin
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 with, spending
money
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 allows individuals to enjoy their lives.
In other words
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, using their financial resources on travel teaches them how the world lives today and helps them gain valuable experience with different cultures.
In addition
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, it provides new opportunities to buy desired items
such
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 as cars and new fashion, or to participate in outdoor activities. Research has shown that the happiest
people
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 are often those who spend a significant amount of
money
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 on experiences.Another point to consider is that spending
money
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 reduces stress for both young and old
people
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. It is
also
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 possible to say that when
people
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 do not constantly worry about their financial future, they can live in peace with themselves.
Moreover
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, spending can create good relationships between fathers and their children.
For instance
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, when fathers provide everything their children need, it builds love and mutual respect within the family.In conclusion, after looking at both sides,
it is clear that
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while
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 saving is popular, I firmly believe that
people
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 should spend their
money
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 on what they want and live without fear. Since
people
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 only have one life, they should be encouraged to enjoy spending their
money
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 on things they genuinely desire.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on the topic, but it does not fully answer it. The question asks if people should save money for the future. You mainly say that spending is good, but you do not clearly explain why saving is not important or why people should not save at least some money.
task response
Show a more direct view. For example: “I partly disagree. Young people should enjoy some of their money, but they should also save a part for hard times and future plans.” This answers the question more fully.
task response
Your ideas need more support. Travel and family gifts are useful examples, but explain how they are better than saving for rent, study, health, or a time with no job.
task response
The line about happy people and research is too general. Give a clear example instead, or explain the point in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is easy to follow, but the main point in each body part is not strong enough. The first part is about fun and life experience. The second part is about stress and family. Make each part clearly link back to the question about saving for the future.
coherence and cohesion
Some links feel unclear. For example, “when people do not constantly worry about their financial future” may mean they have savings, not that they spend more. This weakens your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: Paragraph 1: your view. Paragraph 2: why some spending is good. Paragraph 3: why saving is still needed, or why you disagree with saving as the main goal. Then end by repeating your exact view.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “after looking at both sides” unless you really discuss both sides in the body. You only discuss spending, so this line does not fit well.
task response
You give a clear view: young people should be free to spend money as they want.
task response
You give two main reasons: spending can bring joy and can lower stress.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “Moreover”, and “For instance”.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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