IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some experts believe that once a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many experts argue that once a country has reached a high level of economic prosperity, increases in
wealth
Use synonyms
 do not make its citizens happier. I largely agree with
this
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 view because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 additional
wealth
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 has only a limited impact on
people
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's
overall
Linking Words
happiness
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. It is undeniable that economic development plays a crucial role in improving
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life. In less developed countries, higher national income enables governments to invest in essential public services
such
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 as healthcare, education and infrastructure. In terms of
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
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 level, rising incomes allow
people
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 to afford better housing, nutritious food and financial security.
As a result
Linking Words
, increasing
wealth
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 often leads to higher levels of
happiness
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 because it satisfies
people
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's basic needs and reduces financial stress.
However
Linking Words
, economic growth does not necessarily result in greater life satisfaction. In many wealthy countries,
people
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 already enjoy a comfortable standard of living, meaning that additional income contributes little to their
overall
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happiness
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.
Instead
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, factors
such
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 as physical and mental health, strong family relationships,
work-life
Correct word choice
and work-life
show examples
 balance become far more crucial.
For example
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, many high-income societies continue to experience rising levels of stress, loneliness and depression despite their economic success.
This
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 suggests that
happiness
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 depends on a combination of social and personal factors rather than just
wealth
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. In conclusion,
although
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 economic growth is vital for improving living standards, I agree that its influence on
happiness
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 becomes limited once a country is already wealthy. At that stage, factors
such
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 as good health, meaningful relationships, personal fulfilment and
overall
Linking Words
 well-being contribute far more to
people
Use synonyms
's satisfaction than additional economic prosperity.

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task response
Give one more clear reason for your view. For example, say that after people have a safe home, food, and care, more money may bring only short joy. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Your example is good, but make it more real. You could name a rich country or give a short case of people who have high pay but feel alone or under stress.
coherence cohesion
Your four-part plan is clear: start, two main parts, and end. To make links smoother, use short linking words such as 'First', 'Also', 'But', 'For this reason', and 'In the end'.
coherence cohesion
Check small sentence links. Write 'At the individual level' instead of 'In terms of individual level'. Also write 'health, family ties, and work-life balance become' or add 'all' before 'become'.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: you largely agree. You also answer both sides by showing why wealth helps poor countries but helps less after a country is rich.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic. Basic needs, less money stress, health, family, and balance are all good points for this question.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each body part has one main idea, and the last part brings your view back in a clear way.
coherence cohesion
You use useful links such as 'As a result', 'However', 'Instead', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. These help the reader follow the flow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic wealth
  • happiness
  • basic needs
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • satisfaction
  • hedonic adaptation
  • social connections
  • community involvement
  • personal fulfillment
  • opportunities
  • leisure activities
  • psychological phenomenon
  • diminishing returns
  • affluence
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