IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of people nowadays are spending too much money and they don’t save anything for future use. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years , spending too much
money
Use synonyms
 has become a trend in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 generation ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 some
people
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 belive that it can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their future .
This
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 essay will explain that
this
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 can lead to successfull
life
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 . It is obvious
thay
Correct your spelling
that
people
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 who spend too much
money
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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desire to have excellent facilities and products,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the reason why they spend excessively . A person lives once , they should buy anything they want , which is able to
have
Verb problem
bring
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 satisfaction
from
Change preposition
to
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 their
life
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 .
For example
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 , some
people
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 might get enjoyment from eating a meal from a fancy restaurant ,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is considered
as
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a
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 waste of
money
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 because they can cook it at home .
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 it plays a crucial role to gain sense of fulfilment from
,
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apply
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what they place
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
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 importance on . It is apparent
,
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apply
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that no one knows
,
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apply
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when their
life
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 ends
so
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, so
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 they should not save
money
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 for the not guaranteed future .
Furthermore
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 , most
people
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 aim to be rich ,
that
Correct word choice
so
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 their consistent wishes can lead to
successful
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a successful
show examples
 future
,
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;
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this
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 process can be
motivation
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a motivation
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 for them .
As a result
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 , they work and study hard for their continuous wishes about spending
money
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 on their favourite products , which gives the opportunity
to
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for
show examples
 the expansion of companies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can hire more employees . These purchases help them gain new skills , reduce stress , and enjoy
life
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 .
Consequently
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 , the economy grows with the help of
spending excessively
Correct word order
excessive spending,
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 and living standards improve . If
people
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 stay grateful for everything and use the same
prodect
Correct your spelling
product
 over and over again , there will be no need for
improving
Replace the word
improvement
. In conclusion ,
although
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 some
people
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beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
this
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 is wasteful , from my
prespectives
Check wording
perspective
show examples
, it is important to take into
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overall
Check wording
account overall
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 satisfaction , and economic prosperity .

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on the topic and your view is clear. But the question asks if spending too much and saving nothing is positive or negative. You mostly talk about buying things and enjoying life. You need to talk more directly about the risk of saving no money, such as no help in an emergency, losing a job, or paying for a home or school later.
task response
Your main idea is not always strong enough. Saying that life may end at any time is not a full reason for saving nothing. Explain why spending now is better than having money for later, or say that people should spend but still save some money.
task response
Develop each idea more. In the first body part, add a clear example of a person who spends money but has a good result. In the second body part, explain step by step how more buying leads to more work and more jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is good, but some sentences are too long and hard to understand. Use shorter sentences. Put one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. For example, after the restaurant example, say clearly: “This shows that some spending can make people feel happy.” Then move to your next point.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your view, but it should answer the question more clearly. For example: “In my view, this is a positive development because it can improve people’s lives and help the economy. However, people should still keep some money for hard times.”
task response
You give a clear view: you think this is a positive change. You give two main reasons: people can enjoy life, and spending can help jobs and the economy.
task response
You use an example about eating at a fancy restaurant. This helps show your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words well, such as “For example”, “However”, “Furthermore”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic instability
  • financial trouble
  • emergencies
  • economic downturns
  • financial security
  • long-term goals
  • higher education
  • retiring comfortably
  • paycheck to paycheck
  • stress and anxiety
  • mental health
  • stimulate the economy
  • generate employment
  • business growth
  • debt accumulation
  • consumerism culture
  • material goods
  • personal development
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