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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows internet users as percentage of population.

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The line graph illustrates the percentage of individuals who used the
internet
Use synonyms
 in three different countries, namely the USA,
Canada
Use synonyms
, and Mexico, from 1999 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
internet
Use synonyms
 usage increased significantly in all three countries over the given
period
Use synonyms
, with
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 maintaining the highest proportion throughout and
Mexicp
Correct your spelling
Mexico
 the lowest proportion. In
1999
Punctuation problem
1999,
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 the population in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 used the
internet
Use synonyms
 around 30%, making it the highest figure at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 and Mexico started the
period
Use synonyms
 with almost 10% use of the
internent
Correct your spelling
internet
. By 2005, the figure for the USA
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 to above 50% and continued to grow, ending the
period
Use synonyms
 with around 70% in 2009.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 rose to approximetaly 70% up to 2005 and overtook the two other populations with just over 100% in the final year. Turning to Mexico, which had the lowest level of increase among other
populatins
Correct your spelling
populations
, starting the
period
Use synonyms
 with nearly 5% and grew up steadly to just under 30% in 2009, making it by far the least usage of
internet
Use synonyms
 among other
given
Correct word choice
apply
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countries.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, canada, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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