IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Some people believe that governments should provide financial
support
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 to
artists
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such
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 as musicians, painters and poets,
while
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 others argue that public
money
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 should be spent on more essential services.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, and I believe that
although
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 art deserves some
government
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support
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, it should not be given priority over areas
such
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 as healthcare and education. On the one hand, there are several reasons why governments should
support
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artists
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.
Firstly
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, art plays an important role in preserving a country’s culture and identity. Traditional music, paintings and literature can reflect the history and values of a society, and without financial assistance, some forms of art may gradually disappear.
Secondly
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, many talented
artists
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 may struggle financially, especially at the beginning of their careers.
Government
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 grants could allow them to develop their skills and produce valuable work.
For example
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, public funding for local musicians and painters can help promote national culture and attract tourists.
On the other hand
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, some people consider spending public
money
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 on
artists
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 to be unnecessary. Governments have limited budgets, and there are many more urgent issues that require financial
support
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.
For instance
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,
money
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 could be used to improve hospitals, schools, public transport and housing. These services directly affect the quality of life of a large number of people.
In addition
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, successful
artists
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 are often able to earn
money
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 by selling their work, performing at events or receiving
support
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 from private organisations.
Therefore
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, critics argue that taxpayers should not be responsible for funding artistic careers. In conclusion,
although
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government
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support
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 can help protect culture and encourage talented
artists
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, I believe that essential public services should receive greater financial priority.
However
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, a small proportion of
government
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 funding could still be provided to important cultural and artistic projects.

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Task response
Estimated score: 8. To make it even better, give one more clear real-life example. For example, say what kind of art project should get help and why it helps many people.
Task response
Your own view is clear, but you could make it stronger in the last paragraph. Say that money should go only to public art projects, young artists, or art that keeps old culture alive, not to all artists.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order. To improve, make the link between each point and your main view more direct. For example, after talking about culture, say why this means some public help is right.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many set link words in every paragraph. You can also join ideas with simple words like “because”, “so”, “but”, and “also” to make the writing feel more natural.
Task response
You discuss both sides well and give a clear view: art should get some help, but health and school needs should come first.
Task response
Your main points are clear: art can keep a country’s culture, help new artists, and bring visitors; public money is also needed for hospitals, schools, transport, and homes.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, one paragraph for each side, and a final answer.
Coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
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