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Band 7.5

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #beleve #effects #child #development
Undoubtedly, electric devices are vital items in today's modern world. Even though some people conjecture that it is beneficial for kids to spend time on TV, video and computer games, other individuals confirm that these are drawbacks to using them. In
this
 essay, I will discuss and explain both opinions and include the reason for supporting the latter idea.
To begin
 with the one hand, the majority of humans trust that TV is one of the best ways to teach children. There are numerous TV programs relevant to our history. An investigation recently conducted by the Ministry of Education discovered that over 80% of teachers use electronic gadgets in their classes. By watching these programs in video format
as a consequence
, students can not only enjoy watching them but
also
 feel vivid images related to the curriculum.
Furthermore
, visual images can allow learners to memorize things quickly and accurately.
Hence
, television can be a practical way to elevate the efficiency of the education system.
On the other hand
,
nevertheless
, I assert that video games are harmful to youth. It can integrate both physical and mental issues. For the former,
while
 people play computer games, they are likely to be sitting in front of the monitor for a long time.
This
 may cause eye strain,
also
 shoulder and headache pain. Regarding the latter,
according to
 an analysis by Nikki's newspaper, the quantity of high school students who are suffering from computer addiction has increased significantly within the
last
 decade.
To sum up
 both sides, despite their pros to spending time on gadgets, it should be taken into account that the bad effects on a miner's well-being.
Submitted by shahobhozratkulov on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports or counters the main points of the discussion to enhance clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Develop more specific examples and explanations to better support each viewpoint discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the structure of the essay.
complete response
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
logical structure
The arguments are logically structured and there is a clear contrast between the two viewpoints.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational content
  • documentaries
  • enhance knowledge
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving skills
  • interactive gameplay
  • computer literacy
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • childhood obesity
  • social skills
  • peer interaction
  • exposure
  • inappropriate behavior
  • influence negatively
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