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Writing Samples
Band 6

•The television is good for you. •Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of watching television. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is an ongoing debate among
people
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 about whether
television
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 is good or not.
While
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 it has some advantages,
such
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 as providing cheaper options to spend leisure time, I firmly believe that
television
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 may be a harmful tool to
people
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 because some programs on
television
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 are likely to spread
misinformation
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, which far outweighs the upsides.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides and my position with relevant arguments and examples. On the one hand, rather than spending too much money to buy tickets or subscriptions,
television
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 provides many enjoyable options in a range of shows for free.
People
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 can watch
television
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 programs on government-supported or non-profit channels, which do not require any payment from viewers.
For instance
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, in Canada,
people
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 can watch Master Chef Canada
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a well-known
cook
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cooking
 competition program on
Yes
Correct article usage
the Yes
show examples
 TV channel for free, permitting them to spend time with their friends and enjoy the show.
As a result
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,
television
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 allows
people
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 to enjoy quality entertainment with friends and family without the financial burden of expensive outings.
On the other hand
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,
television
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 may become a source of
misinformation
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 when some channels start spreading fake news.
This
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 is because there is no authority to check whether the news is true or fake, which reaches millions of viewers immediately.Even though some regulations exist, they can only take action after the
misinformation
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 has already spread. To illustrate, on
economy
Replace the word
economic
 shows, some
commenters
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commentators
 speculate about the stock market, which leads to a decrease or increase in stocks.
Therefore
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, the immediate and unregulated spread of
misinformation
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 on
television
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 can cause real financial or social harm before it is ever corrected. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some upsides,
such
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 as providing an affordable entertainment source, I firmly maintain that the drawbacks of
television
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 have detrimental effects on
people
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's lives, resulting in some irreversible financial and social problems in society.

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task response
Give a wider view of the good and bad sides. The good side is mainly about free fun, while the bad side is mainly about false news. Add one more good point, such as learning from nature, news, or school shows, and one more bad point, such as too much screen time or less time with people.
task response
Make the link from false news to harm more exact. Say how a false story can make people buy or sell too fast, feel fear, or make bad health choices. This will make your main view more strong.
task response
Be careful with facts that may not be true for all people. Instead of saying there is “no authority”, say that checks may not stop false news before many people see it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same clear pattern in each body part: main idea, why it is true, example, and result. Your first body part does this well; make the second one just as full.
coherence and cohesion
Fix small spacing and sentence breaks. For example, put a space after the full stop in “immediately.Even”. This helps the writing look clear and easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines repeat the same point about harm. You can make the end shorter by restating your view once, then naming the main reason.
task response
You answer both parts of the task. Your view is clear: TV can be cheap and fun, but false news can cause harm.
task response
You use clear examples, such as free TV in Canada and talk about the stock market.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Each part has one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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