IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

A growing number of people feel that people should not exploit animals and that they should have rights as a human while argue that human must employ animals to satisfy their various needs.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern world, many individuals argue that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be harmed or killed because they have rights like us , but
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while
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apply
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others believe that
animals
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 are important for making various essential things.In my opinion,
animals
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 should not be exploited for our needs .
This
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 essay will discuss both views. On the one hand,
animals
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 should not be used for our
need
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needs
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.
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animals
Capitalize the proper name
Animals
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 can feel pain,fear and stress
so
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, so
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 they should be protected from unnecessary suffering.
people
Capitalize the proper name
People
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 should not use
animals
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 for entertainment
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such
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, such
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 as cruel sports, circuses or illegal wildlife trade.Because
animals
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 are
also
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 very crucial for maintaining our environment .It has a main role in maintaining the ecosystem.
Therefore
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 , if we cause any harm to them, it may directly impact only our lifestyle.
Furthermore
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,
animals
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 should be protected.
government
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The government
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 can encourage legal standards to protect them.
On the other hand
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, Humans have relied on
animals
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 for food ,clothing ,farming and medical research for centuries.
Firstly
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 , even though we will get nutrition from a vegetarian diet,it is very difficult to achieve through it. Most poor people are not able to afford it.
As a result
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, animal
dietary
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diet
 is essential .
Secondly
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 ,
In
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in
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 medical research,
animals
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 have played a
main
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major
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 role for many centuries. Without them, inventions wouldn't happen.So in my opinion,
although
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animals
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 are important for our rights, we should be protected from exploitation.
However
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,
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animals
Check wording
animal
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 use can be acceptable only for a genuine reason. In Conclusion.
Animals
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 should not be harmed for our sake, but we can use them wisely whenever necessary.

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task response
Make each side more fully explained. For the first side, explain why animal pain gives people a duty to limit harm. For the second side, explain why some people see animal use as needed, not only useful.
task response
Give one clear, real example for each main point. For example, say that tests on animals may help make a new drug, or that farm animals may give food to poor families.
task response
Keep your own view the same all through the essay. The line “animals are important for our rights” is not clear. Say instead: “Although people may use animals for real needs, they should not use them for fun or waste.”
task response
Explain your point about a plant-based diet more carefully. It is better to say that some poor people may not have easy access to a wide range of plant foods, rather than saying a vegetarian diet cannot give enough nutrition.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, you move from pain to sport to the environment to laws very quickly. Add clear links between these ideas, or choose two ideas and explain them more.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short sentences that break the flow. For example, join “Furthermore, animals should be protected. government can encourage legal standards” into one clear sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not start a new sentence with “Because” after a full stop. Join it to the sentence before it: “People should not use animals for cruel sports because such acts cause pain.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph a full conclusion. Briefly restate both views, then state your view in one or two clear sentences.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Your main view is clear: animals should not be used unless there is a real need.
task response
You use useful areas such as food, clothes, farming, medical work, sport, and wildlife trade.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Firstly”, and “Furthermore” help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your main view and gives a clear final message.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • legal protection
  • unnecessary suffering
  • cruel treatment
  • animal rights
  • ethical responsibility
  • living creatures
  • sentient beings
  • wildlife conservation
  • strict regulations
  • humane treatment
  • medical research
  • alternative methods
  • cosmetic testing
  • factory farming
  • livestock farming
  • essential needs
  • ethical standards
  • protect endangered species
  • exploit animals
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