IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that saving
money
Use synonyms
 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 is important for everyone, especially for young
people
Use synonyms
. I mostly agree that saving
money
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 achieve important life goals and build
fanancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 disadvantages of saving
money
Use synonyms
 and
fanancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 management.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 helps young
people
Use synonyms
 achieve important life goals. Many young
people
Use synonyms
 have dreams
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 saving
money
Use synonyms
 helps turn their dreams
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 reality
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
education
Use synonyms
,
first
Correct article usage
a first
show examples
 home,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 job
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a resoult fanancial stability.
For instance
Linking Words
, good
education
Use synonyms
 cost high price, during
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years of hard work activity young
people
Use synonyms
 can save a part of
income
Correct determiner usage
their income
show examples
 for
education
Use synonyms
, after finishing
Use synonyms
education
Correct determiner usage
their education
show examples
individuals
Punctuation problem
, individuals
show examples
 can get
high-paid
Correct article usage
a high-paid
show examples
 job, income from
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 can invest
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying
own
Correct determiner usage
their own
show examples
 home or start
buiseness
Correct your spelling
a business
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 is an important habit for creating
fanancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 stability and
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
show examples
 investment tool.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, focusing too much on saving
money
Use synonyms
 can have negative consequences
such
Linking Words
 as limiting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal growth and reducing life quality.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 focus only on saving
money
Use synonyms
, they stop growing, stop invest at themselfs,
as a result
Linking Words
, limit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal
grown
Replace the word
growth
, miss opportunities for personal development and
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
one
Verb problem
is one
show examples
 of the
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
 for persolal grown.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 is a good habit, especially for youth
,
Punctuation problem
. People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should use
fanancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 management, which can help to balance between saving
money
Use synonyms
, personal
grown
Replace the word
growth,
 and
interesting
Correct article usage
an interesting
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view more strongly in the first part. Say how far you agree, then keep the same view in every part.
task response
Explain the bad side of saving more clearly. Saving itself does not stop growth; spending all your money may stop you from paying for trips, skills, or fun things.
task response
Make each example more real and clear. For example, say that a young worker saves part of each pay for a course or for a home deposit.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. The first body part can be about future plans. The second can be about keeping a good balance.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Split them into short sentences with clear links.
coherence and cohesion
Check that your last line fully sums up your view. A clear ending could say that young people should save regularly, but also use some money for useful growth and a good life.
task response
You give a clear main view: saving money is useful, but people should also spend on growth and life.
task response
You use examples about school, a home, work, and starting a business.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “For example”, and “Overall” help the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: