IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Saving
money
Use synonyms
 is an essential skill for people of all generations, especially the young. To a large extent,
this
Linking Words
 view is reasonable, as setting
money
Use synonyms
 aside is a beneficial habit to build a necessary financial cushion for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, accumulating savings is one of
important
Correct article usage
the important
show examples
 tools for financial literacy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these days many banks offer bankcards for kids that can encourage the habit
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending and managing
money
Use synonyms
 in early age.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, parents and kids can track all income and expenditure on these kind of cards that helps the family to build a strategy of teaching children to attribute spending
money
Use synonyms
 to different kinds of goals.
In addition
Linking Words
, putting
money
Use synonyms
 aside as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 a
children’s
Fix the agreement mistake
child’s
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 dream is a good practice for
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 financial skills.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is essential to provide financial literacy for kids in their childhood when it can
by
Verb problem
be
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 naturally in play
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
and can give them
such
Linking Words
 an important aspect like an available part
financial
Change preposition
of financial
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 literacy.
However
Linking Words
, skills
such
Linking Words
 as allocating and saving
money
Use synonyms
 are useful
in
Change preposition
at
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 any age. These practical actions contribute to building up financial reserves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, individuals with sufficient funds
better
Verb problem
are better
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 prepared for contingency financial situations,
such
Linking Words
 as losing
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 or enplaning
repair
Correct article usage
a repair
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 car. Actually,
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 cushion can help to avoid
situation
Correct article usage
a situation
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when
Correct word choice
where
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 people may
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
have
high-interest
Verb problem
to take a high-interest
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 loan. In conclusion, saving
money
Use synonyms
 is
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 skill for everyone disregard of age. Whether to achieve a small financial goal or to prevent
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unexpected financial issues in future can help improve financial security.

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the first part. Say that you agree to a large extent, then state the two main reasons you will explain.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how saving a small sum each week can help a young person buy something they need or deal with a hard time later.
task response
Use one clear real-life example in each main part. A short example about a student saving for a course, or a worker saving for rent after job loss, would make your points stronger.
task response
Stay close to the question. The first main part spends a lot of time on bank cards and parents. Make the link to saving for the future clear in every part.
coherence and cohesion
Put the final idea in the conclusion only. The sentence about loans begins a new point after the second main part, so move it into that part and explain it there.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Young people should save because it teaches them how to plan their money.” Then give support and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hard to follow. Split them into two or three short sentences, especially in the first main part.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more exact. Do not add “Moreover” or “Furthermore” unless the next idea clearly builds on the last one. Simple links like “For example”, “As a result”, and “This means” may work better.
task response
You give a clear view: saving money is important for young people and for people of all ages.
task response
You use useful ideas, such as money for a dream, a lost job, car repair, and avoiding costly loans.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow the main path.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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