Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get news event. Do you think the advantages outwwigh the disadvantages?
Advancements in information technology
has
brought the Change the verb form
have
world
extremely close. With the invention of social media
applications and video calling systems
it is easier for Add a comma
systems,
people
to communicate with their loved ones and obtain information about the events happening around the globe. Utilization of the social media
has both demerits and demerits. Nevertheless
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages which will be discussed in the essay below.
To commence with, social media
applications like Whatsapp
, Facebook and Instagram have proven to be beneficial in the contemporary Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
world
. Because of the hectic and busy work schedules, people
can interact with their loved ones at their desired time. Furthermore
, it helps to maintain and nurture emotional bonds and reduced
stress after a busy day at work. Wrong verb form
reduce
Moreover
, messaging or video calls saves
the hassles of travelling to meet friends or family. For illustration, many Correct subject-verb agreement
save
people
living miles apart from their families have the opportunity to converse with their families daily without the need for travelling. Additionally
, many of these websites provide up-to-date news
about the events happening in any part of the world
in real time
. It, Add a hyphen
real-time
thus
helps all individuals to upgrade their knowledge at their desired time and location.
On the opposite
hand, Correct word choice
other
disadvantages
of online communication cannot be disregarded. Correct article usage
the disadvantages
Firstly
, talking over video calls lacks the warmth and physical touch required for emotional bonding. Secondly
, fraudulent incidences
Replace the word
incidents
are
on the rise recently as social Wrong verb form
have been
media
users talk to many unknown people
from other parts of the world
, sometimes resulting in being blackmailed for money. Lastly
, news
posted on websites might always not be true as anyone can manipulate it without challenges. For instance
, some people
try to spread hate between different religions or castes by posting false news
on their social media
handles. Hence
, it is utmost
Change preposition
of utmost
important
for the Replace the word
importance
news
to be verified from authentic sources like official websites, newspapers and the
TV Correct article usage
apply
news
channels.
In a nutshell, despite the demerits of social media
applications, its
benefits a valuable to the human race. It is the moral responsibility of each individual to verify the authenticity of the messages and Correct pronoun usage
their
news
read on the internet to avoid fraud and scams.Submitted by vaishnavivardekar2209 on
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task achievement
You provided a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your opinion and summarizing your points effectively. However, make sure to have more detailed conclusions which reinforce your supporting ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to elaborate more on each supporting point with more specific examples to strengthen your argument further.
language
Work on minor language corrections to ensure error-free sentences throughout, even though they don't affect comprehension.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction that sets the stage for discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You effectively listed and explained both advantages and disadvantages, maintaining a good balance.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are well-structured with smooth transitions between paragraphs, supporting coherence.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?