IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that restoration of old building costs too much. We should demolish them and build new one instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether demolishing and rebuilding are more effective methods than restoration.
While
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 a significant number of people believe that reconstruction requires an excessive amount of capital, others argue that destroying and building a new building provides an optimal solution. In my opinion, the decision should depend on the building's significance
:
Punctuation problem
;
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 structures with cultural or historical value should be restored,
while
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 those posing safety
risks
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,
such
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 as fire hazards, should be demolished and rebuilt. On the one hand, ancient
buildings
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 have a great impact on society, as they reflect their culture and tradition.
Although
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 restorations require an enormous amount of capital cost, these
buildings
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 are distinguished examples of old civilisations' artistic expression, which in turn attracts a considerable number of tourists' attention to visit them. To illustrate,
instead
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 of choosing the cheaper option of demolishing and rebuilding, a new church, Montreal's Notre Dame church has been restoring because it has artistic pillars and carvings, drawing tourists' attention from across the world, which in turn boosts the government's economy.
Thus
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, there is a trade-off between restoration and reconstruction, which can compansate high restoration costs.
On the other hand
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, ancient
buildings
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 have a variety of considerable
risks
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 during a series of natural catastrophes,
while
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 new
buildings
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 are more robust to them. Since old
buildings
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,
such
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 as houses and governmental
buildings
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, were made of wood and non-resilient materials, when advanced construction technology was not available at the time.
For instance
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, Istanbul often faces cases of burning old
buildings
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 because these were made from wood in the past, and they start a demolition and rebuilding campaign to eliminate fire
risks
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.
Hence
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, rebuilding solutions can prevent cities from a variety of
risks
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 rather than restoring them. In conclusion, restoring and reconstructing can provide different types of opportunities for authorities.
Although
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 restoring maintains society's cultural heritage, rebuilding strengthens old
buildings
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' stability and resilience.

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task response
Make your final view more direct. Say clearly that you partly agree, because the best choice depends on the age, value, and safety of each building.
task response
Explain more why a building should be kept. For example, say that it can teach young people about the past and bring money to local shops, not only to the government.
task response
Check the Montreal example. The church was being restored, not “has been restoring”. Also make the point clear: its art and history are reasons to spend more money on it.
task response
In the second main paragraph, add that some old buildings can be made safe. This will make your view more balanced: pull down only those that cannot be made safe at a fair cost.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, focus on history and culture. In the second, focus on safety and cost.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between cause and result. For example: “As a result, these places bring many visitors and help the local area earn money.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Split them into two short sentences, especially in the Montreal and Istanbul examples.
coherence and cohesion
End with the same clear view as the opening. State that keeping old buildings is best when they have real value and can be made safe; otherwise, new buildings are the better choice.
task response
Your main view is clear: old buildings with history or culture should be kept, but unsafe ones should be pulled down and built again. This directly answers the question.
task response
You use clear examples from Montreal and Istanbul. These examples help explain both sides of your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending. The ideas move in a natural order.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
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