The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?
Due to
the change in behaviors
, there are more and more populations, especially at the younger age than before, who are experiencing obesity, Change the spelling
behaviours
consequently
leading to other severe health problems such
as heart disease, diabetes, or even emotional illness. In this
essay, I will discuss the impetus behind this
trend and outline some potential solutions.
To commence with, superfluous consumption of fast food and deficit exercising are considered to be the major reasons for the increase in overweight people. First of all, as lifestyles of people these days have dramatically changed, they are more likely to dine fast food and delicatessens which generally contain high sodium, fat, and calories because they are far more convenient and cheaper. Apart from the cuisine that can cause obesity, the lack of exercise is also
responsible for the detrimental health of the citizens. When people consume more than they need, the excess calories would be
transformed to be accumulated fat, which leads to obesity later.
Wrong verb form
are
Nevertheless
, the issues mentioned above can be solved by changing unhealthy eating habits and lifestyles. To illustrate more, by converting eating habits to be more nutritious and diverse apart from ready-to-eat cuisine, individuals can simply be healthier. Moreover
, a workout also
assists in reducing the possibility of gaining excessive weight as it strengthens body muscles, enhancing metabolism to annihilate calories more.
To conclude
, the increase in the number of overweight populations must not be overlooked since it is the initial source of various chronically fatal diseases, but these concerns can possibly be avoided by encouraging individuals to be more careful towards Correct article usage
the nutritions
nutritions
they eat and to be more engaged in physical training.Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a better-structured logical flow by enhancing the transitions and connections between the paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but to achieve a higher score, ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines the main points of discussion, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and relates back to your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Back up main points with more detailed and developed arguments, providing clear explanations and relevant examples where appropriate. It is important to expand on ideas to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The response covers the task, but it requires a more detailed exploration of the reasons behind the growth in overweight people and the solutions. Make sure to cover all parts of the prompt in depth and avoid superficial treatment of the subject.
task achievement
Ideas could stand to be more fully developed and comprehensive. Utilize more complex structures and varied vocabulary to clearly convey your points. Avoid repetition and over-simplification of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific and pertinent examples to substantiate your arguments. Examples help to illustrate points and make the essay more persuasive and informative.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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