IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic study. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether people should be encouraged to pursue vocational training
instead
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 of an academic degree, given the current shortage of skilled tradespeople
such
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 as electricians and plumbers. In my opinion, the decision should depend on a
country
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's specific needs
:
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. While
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while
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 university graduates contribute to technological and scientific advancement, vocationally trained individuals play an equally vital role in sustaining a
country
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's economic infrastructure. On the one hand, trained
workers
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 play a crucial role in the economic cycle when they work in the factories,
whereas
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scientists
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 cannot replace the
workers
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' essential contribution.
This
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 is because factories require qualified
workers
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 who receive proper education through vocational training, allowing plants to operate their business.
For example
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, in the 1970s, Germany's 'Gastarbeiter' (guest worker) programme brought in a large number of skilled tradespeople from countries
such
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 as Turkey to address a severe shortage of qualified
workers
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 in its industrial sector, demonstrating how essential vocational skills are to a nation's economic operations.
Therefore
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, in industries facing labour shortages, vocational training can be just as valuable as — if not more valuable than — a university degree.
On the other hand
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, countries try to find affordable and effective solutions for their
problems
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 with the help of advanced technology, which can be achieved by
scientists
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' great efforts. As
scientists
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 pursue their academic degree, they have to publish scientific research about the main concerns in society
which
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, which
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 in turn helps authorities solve society's issues,
such
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 as environmental
problems
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. To illustrate, in the USA,
scientists
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 develop new renewable energy systems, leading the
country
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 to eliminate fossil fuel dependencies.
Thus
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,
scientists
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 can provide considerable solutions to ease the burden of
problems
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 on society through academic studies. In conclusion, the choice between vocational training and academic study should depend on a
country
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's specific needs.
While
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 academic study can help raise
scientists
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 who can solve countries'
problems
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 through technological development, job training can boost the economy by providing proper education.

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task response
Make your view more direct. The question asks how far you agree or disagree, but your answer mainly says that the choice depends on each country. State more clearly whether you agree that people should be encouraged to choose vocational training because of the lack of tradespeople.
task response
Keep your points closer to the exact question. The first body paragraph talks about factory workers, but the question gives examples such as electricians and plumbers. Explain how more training places, pay, or public support could help fill these jobs.
task response
Develop the university side more carefully. Rather than saying scientists solve all main problems, explain why a country still needs doctors, teachers, engineers, and researchers, even when it needs more skilled workers.
task response
Some claims are too wide. For example, saying renewable energy systems will lead the USA to end fossil-fuel use is a very strong claim. Use more careful words, such as “can help reduce the need for fossil fuels”.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the link between the first sentence and the next ideas in body paragraph one. The paragraph begins with “trained workers”, then moves to factories. Start with the shortage of tradespeople and then give factories as one reason why these workers matter.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words naturally, not only at the end of paragraphs. Show the cause and result inside each paragraph: vocational courses teach useful skills; therefore, more people can do needed work.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your main view more closely. The final line says job training can boost the economy, but it should also answer whether it deserves more support than university study in areas with a clear lack of skilled workers.
coherence and cohesion
Fix small spacing and sentence-flow issues, for example: “operate their business.For example” should have a space after the full stop. Clear sentence breaks make the essay easier to read.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: both paths are important, and the best choice depends on what a country needs. You also discuss both vocational work and university study.
task response
Your examples about Germany and the USA are linked to your main points and help make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and a closing. Each main paragraph has a main idea, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Thus” help the reader follow the change from one idea to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic study
  • vocational training
  • qualified tradespeople
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • prestigious
  • availability
  • skilled tradespeople
  • economic benefits
  • entry into the workforce
  • educational costs
  • societal needs
  • functioning of everyday life
  • shortage
  • professions
  • potential for high earnings
  • career stability
  • overlooked
  • university degrees
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