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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows the information of total health expenditure per capita in five countries in 2019.

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This
Linking Words
 table shows the health
cost
Use synonyms
 in five different
countries
Use synonyms
 in the year of 2019 in US dollars per person.
This
Linking Words
 table shows clearly that amongst the five
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there is one country that stands alone and
above all
Linking Words
 the others. The
cost
Use synonyms
 of the US is exponentially higher than any other country
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 USD 11'073. The second one
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 comes after the
US
Punctuation problem
US,
show examples
 is Germany at USD 6'646, and
therefore
Linking Words
 at almost half
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
cost
Use synonyms
 of the US. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 we have Australia
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is following
closly
Correct your spelling
closely
 behind. And
then
Linking Words
 we have Japan with USD 4823, and the United Kingdom with 4652, with the lowest
cost
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all these five different places in the world. Showing that even between highly developed
Use synonyms
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 the health insurance costs are looking very different. In conclusion, we can say that in the United States of
Amerika
Add a comma
Amerika,
show examples
 the health
systems
Check wording
system
show examples
 is very costly and
therefore
Linking Words
 it will be expensive
to not
Unsplit the infinitive
not to
show examples
 have any insurance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the other
countries
Use synonyms
 have
much
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
a
lower
Correct word order
much lower
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
 per person.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "therefore".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cost, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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