IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that pets should stay at home at all times, while others feel they should be allowed outside the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Having
pets
Use synonyms
 at home has become a trend among families recently.
While
Linking Words
 many believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 should have the opportunity to go outside
due to
Linking Words
 their instincts , others claim that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
We
Fix capitalization
we
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 should keep them inside to save them from
traffics
Check wording
traffickers
show examples
 and accident dangers. I am of the opinion that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 pet owners should follow a balanced approach, so that
pets
Use synonyms
 can go outside
with safety
Rephrase
safely
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most important argue that proponent of let animal to explore their surrounding outside, believe that they are originated from the nature and their instinct wants to find a way to return to it.
Therefore
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, always the first choice of a pet for having fun, when it feels free can
be
Verb problem
apply
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wander around. When
pets
Use synonyms
 have the opportunity to follow their desires, which can be going outside the house, they can nurture their abilities and find others from their race and experience their own world. These
exploration
Fix the agreement mistake
explorations
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 can bring them a wide range of friends and joy, which
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
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 them to be happier and
free
Correct subject-verb agreement
frees
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 them from bad feelings
such
Linking Words
 as loneliness and depression.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, outside has its own problems and dangers, which can be
life threatening
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
 for domestic
animals
Use synonyms
. One of the most unsafe
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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 for
animals
Use synonyms
 can be streets and crowded areas. Because cars and cyclist sometime cannot see them
due to
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 their size and congestion, which has some threatening consequences
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as accident for
pets
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
animals
Use synonyms
 who has always
captivated
Wrong verb form
been captive
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 at home cannot defend
theirselves
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 in front of other
animals
Use synonyms
 and do not understand the hazards of wilds, so they cannot determine dangers and may be killed or hunted by other larger races.
Conclusion
In conclusion, keeping
pets
Use synonyms
 at home is not a sensible choice for their emotional well-being,
although
Linking Words
 outdoors has its owns threat for them. I believe that their owners should take them out regularly
by a
Change preposition
through
show examples
 proper observation
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 they can not only explore their surroundings and find friends, but
also
Linking Words
 be protected from an irreparable disaster.

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task response
Make your own view more exact from the start. Say that pets should go outside only with an owner, on a lead, or in a safe place. This will make your main answer easier to understand.
task response
Give one real and clear example in each main part. For example, a dog can walk in a park with its owner, while a cat near a busy road may be hit by a car. Clear examples make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas need fuller support. Explain how going out helps a pet, such as by giving it exercise, play, and contact with other pets. Also explain how an owner can lower the risks outside.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each sentence short and clear. Some sentences have too many ideas, so the meaning is hard to follow. Split them into two or three simple sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For the first body part, you could write: “Pets may need time outside because it gives them exercise and freedom.” For the second: “However, the outside world can be dangerous for pets.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they show a clear link. For example, use “For this reason” after a cause, and use “However” when you show the other side. Do not add commas after every linking word.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about danger. Put all road risks together, then add one new risk, such as illness, getting lost, or attacks from other animals.
task response
You discuss both sides of the question and clearly give your own view. Your main idea is that pets should go out, but with care from their owners.
task response
Your points are on topic: pets may need freedom and contact with other animals, while roads and wild animals can be unsafe.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Each body part focuses on one side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Therefore”, “On the other hand”, and “Moreover” to show the flow of ideas.
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