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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many peole think that it is important to go to university while others prefer to start work without getting a universty education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some argue that getting a
university
Use synonyms
 degree is essential for working in certain sectors and securing a well-compensated job,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to start working rather than pursuing a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 because they believe that
work
Use synonyms
 experience is more valuable than
education
Use synonyms
 and allows young people to become financially independent.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I believe that attending
university
Use synonyms
 is crucial.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, starting
work
Use synonyms
 immediately after high school allows young adults to gain experience early in life.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may reach higher positions before those who spend four or five years studying at
university
Use synonyms
. They can
also
Linking Words
 become financially independent at a younger age and learn how to manage their money and make responsible decisions.
For example
Linking Words
, some college students in the US spend a large proportion of their allowance on entertainment and trips rather than using it for their tuition or other essential expenses.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many jobs require a
university
Use synonyms
 degree to ensure that applicants have sufficient knowledge to
work
Use synonyms
 in their chosen field.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly important in sectors
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, engineering, and law, where mistakes can have serious consequences. Universities provide students with the specialised knowledge and skills required for these professions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people with higher levels of
education
Use synonyms
 tend to earn higher salaries.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Saudi Arabia, individuals with PhDs generally earn more than those with master's degrees,
while
Linking Words
 those with master's degrees tend to earn more than bachelor's degree holders.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 starting
work
Use synonyms
 after high school allows young people to gain experience and become financially independent earlier, I believe that
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial because it provides access to specialised professions and can lead to better-paid jobs.

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task response
Make the first side more balanced. You say work can help young people get higher jobs early, but this may not be true in all kinds of work. Add a short reason or a clear case to show when this can happen.
task response
Your US example is not very close to the main point about work experience. It talks more about how some students use money. Use an example of a young person who learns useful work skills, gets training, or moves up at work.
task response
Develop the point about university a little more. Say that university can also give work practice, links with employers, and a chance to learn from experts.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, the point about students spending money feels less connected to the idea of starting work after high school.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more clear links inside paragraphs. For example, after giving a reason, add “This means that...” or “Because of this...” to show how the idea leads to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
The last body paragraph has two main points: needed skills for some jobs and higher pay. You could make the link clearer by saying that higher pay often comes because people can enter skilled jobs.
task response
You discuss both sides and make your own view clear from the start. Your final paragraph also clearly repeats your view.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: early work can bring experience and money, while university can give needed skills and better jobs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • university degree
  • formal qualification
  • specialist knowledge
  • academic skills
  • critical thinking
  • career prospects
  • professional network
  • student debt
  • tuition fees
  • graduate job market
  • practical experience
  • hands-on skills
  • earn an income
  • workplace training
  • vocational course
  • apprenticeship scheme
  • career progression
  • industry-specific skills
  • long-term career goals
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