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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken?

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Introduction
In many countries, the average weight of the population is increasing,
while
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people
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's
overall
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health
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 is gradually deteriorating. One major cause of
this
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 problem is the growing
consumption
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 of unhealthy fast
food
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.
However
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, I believe that imposing higher taxes on
such
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food
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 and increasing public awareness could help address
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons for increasing obesity and declining
health
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 is the widespread
consumption
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 of fast
food
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.
Such
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food
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 is generally inexpensive and easily accessible, making it particularly attractive to
people
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 with busy schedules who have limited time to prepare meals at home.
Moreover
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, fast
food
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 often contains high amounts of calories, sugar, salt and unhealthy fats.
Consequently
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,
people
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 who consume it regularly may take in more calories than their bodies require.
This
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 not only increases the likelihood of excessive weight gain but
also
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 raises the risk of developing serious
health
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 problems,
such
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 as heart disease and diabetes.
Therefore
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, frequent reliance on fast
food
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 can have significant consequences for both
people
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's weight and
overall
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health
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.
Body paragraph 2
Several measures can be taken to tackle
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, governments could impose higher taxes on unhealthy fast
food
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, making it less affordable and
therefore
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 discouraging excessive
consumption
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. If healthier alternatives become comparatively more affordable, consumers may be encouraged to make better dietary choices.
Furthermore
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, governments should raise public awareness of the long-term
health
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 risks associated with unhealthy diets and obesity. Educational campaigns in schools, workplaces and through social media could help
people
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 understand the consequences of poor eating habits.
As a result
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, individuals may become more motivated to reduce their
consumption
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 of unhealthy
food
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 and adopt a more balanced diet.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the increasing availability and
consumption
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 of inexpensive fast
food
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 are major contributors to rising obesity and deteriorating
health
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. Higher taxation and greater public awareness could encourage healthier eating habits and ultimately improve public
health
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task clearly: causes and ways to deal with them. To make the answer stronger, add one more cause, such as less daily exercise, more time at work, or more time on phones and screens.
task response
Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic. The tax and public information ideas are well explained. Add a short real-life example, such as cheaper fruit at school or a local health ad, to make the points more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end. Each paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as 'Moreover', 'Consequently', 'Firstly', and 'Furthermore'. You could use a few less links in some places, so the writing feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a good order: cause, result, then action. To improve the link between weight and health even more, state early that poor food choices can lead to both weight gain and disease.
task response
The essay gives a clear main cause and two useful actions. Each action is linked to a likely result, such as people making better food choices.
task response
The point about fast food being cheap, easy to get, and high in sugar, salt, and fat is clear and well supported.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear view of the topic, and the ending brings the main ideas together well.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs are well planned and easy to read. The topic sentence in each paragraph helps the reader understand the main point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average weight
  • level of health
  • processed foods
  • calorie-dense
  • unhealthy fats
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • balanced diet
  • urbanization
  • fast food options
  • nutritional education
  • emotional eating
  • economic factors
  • convenience
  • streaming services
  • smart devices
  • transportation
  • mental health
  • stressful lifestyles
  • physical activity
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