IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days, if people have health problems, many do not visit doctors. They try to get better at home by themselves. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In recent days, it has become increasingly common for individuals to try to get better at
home
Use synonyms
 by themselves, as opposed to visiting
doctors
Use synonyms
, when they struggle with a health problem. I strongly believe that it is positive because of some compelling reasons
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as saving
money
Use synonyms
 and medical education.
Body paragraph 1
There are many positive reasons why many
people
Use synonyms
 do not visit
doctors
Use synonyms
 to get better.
For example
Linking Words
, if they do not visit hospitals and they try to heal at
home
Use synonyms
, they do not need to pay
money
Use synonyms
 for services,
doctors
Use synonyms
 and even stuff for their help or advice, which can create an environment where
people
Use synonyms
 can save their
money
Use synonyms
 from spending the things. Given these circumstances, it comes as no surprise that with
using
Replace the word
the use of
 some medical substances, many
people
Use synonyms
 can get better at
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 by themselves if they feel ill.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many countries, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to focus on their health at
home
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instead
Linking Words
 of visiting hospitals and
doctors
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 try to avoid visiting
doctors
Use synonyms
 and hospitals, they can be healthy at
home
Use synonyms
 by consuming natural plants or some medical substances, which may encourage many
people
Use synonyms
 to learn about natural plants that can be useful for their health from the internet platforms like
You-tube, google
Correct word order
YouTube, Google,
show examples
 and
Tik-tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 can have an opportunity to learn how to use some medical substances and what kinds of plants are useful
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
home
Use synonyms
, which can be useful for their next life in the future.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we are living in the globalized world where more and more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to get better at
home
Use synonyms
, as opposed to visiting
doctors
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 several advantage
such
Linking Words
 as saving
money
Use synonyms
 and awareness of medicine.

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task response
Your main view is not fully convincing. The question is about health problems in general, but some problems are serious. You need to explain that staying at home can be safe only for small problems, such as a cold or a small cut. For serious signs, people should see a doctor.
task response
Develop each idea with a clear reason and a real example. For example: a person with a fever for many days may save money by staying home at first, but they may become much more ill if they do not get help.
task response
Some examples are too general. “In many countries” and “more and more people” do not show what really happens. Give one clear case of a person and the result.
task response
Be careful with the idea of learning from YouTube, Google, and TikTok. Say that online advice can be wrong, and people may use the wrong medicine or plants. This will make your answer more balanced and more believable.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body part state one clear point. Then add an explanation and an example. Do not repeat the same idea that people can get better at home.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, saving money does not always mean home care is good, because late care can lead to a bigger problem. Show this link clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they fit. “Given these circumstances” does not clearly connect to the next sentence. Simple links such as “This means”, “However”, and “As a result” would be clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main ideas, but it does not clearly restate why the change is positive. Also, “this situation create several advantage” should be “this situation creates several advantages”.
task response
You give a clear view: you think this is a positive change. You also give two main ideas: saving money and learning about health.
task response
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and an ending. You answer all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because you use clear paragraph breaks and words such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are in a sensible order: first cost, then learning about health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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