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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In a number of countries around the world, income inequality is a growing issue. What are the causes of income inequality and how it can be dealt with?

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Introduction
Many nations face the problem of inequality in income. There are many reasons that make incomes uneven, and education proves the difference. Having more experience can solve the problem.
Body paragraph 1
Body paragraph 1
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, eductaion qualification makes pay unequal, and a higher
degree
Use synonyms
 means better pay. Some jobs are real based on the studies, and software hiring
by
Verb problem
is based on
show examples
 the
degree
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Amazon
companies
Check wording
company's
show examples
 IT jobs level 1 need atleast engeering gradutes and team leaders need to be master's
degree
Use synonyms
 holders. All the roles in
this
Linking Words
 company was completly based on education , and their salaries too.
Body paragraph 3
Body paragraph 2
Conclusion
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Exprience and hard work can make the pay equal to
the
Correct pronoun usage
that of the
show examples
 graduates. 5 years of experience with an education background and a
degree
Use synonyms
 holder can make the same amount. Without studies, employee starts from a team member role , and at the same tiem graduates begin from a team leader position.
Additionallyadditionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, hard-working people will improve their work every day.
In
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
further
Linking Words
, it's possible to earn the same amount as graduates.

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task response
You answer both parts only in part. You give one cause, education, but you need more causes of the pay gap. For example, family wealth, where people live, job type, and lack of fair pay rules can also lead to this problem.
task response
Your second main point is not a clear way for a country to deal with the problem. Work hard and get more time in a job may help one person, but the question asks how the problem can be dealt with. Add ideas such as free or low-cost study, job training, fair pay laws, and help for low-paid workers.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. Say why a higher level of study leads to higher pay, and show how each plan would make the gap smaller.
task response
The Amazon example is linked to your point, but it is not clear and may not be true for all jobs. Use a simple, general example, such as a worker who gets free training and can then move into a better-paid job.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening and two body parts, so the basic order is clear. However, add a short ending that sums up the causes and the main ways to deal with them.
coherence and cohesion
Make the opening clearer. State that you will discuss the causes of income inequality and the ways to reduce it. Your current opening does not clearly set out both parts.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part focused on one clear point. The first part should be about causes. The second part should be about actions by schools, firms, and the state, not only about one worker gaining more experience.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of your ideas: “One cause is…”, “Another cause is…”, “To deal with this…”, and “As a result…”. Do not repeat words such as “Additionallyadditionally”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or the word order is not clear. For example, write: “Many jobs need a degree, so workers with higher education often earn more.”
task response
You identify education as a real cause of unequal pay, and this is a useful main idea.
task response
You try to give a work example to support your point about education and pay.
coherence and cohesion
You use two body parts and begin with “Firstly” and “On the other hand”, which helps the reader see the main parts of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Your second body part tries to show a contrast between people with degrees and people who gain skills through work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • globalization
  • economic growth
  • disparities
  • affluent
  • regressive tax
  • loopholes
  • automation
  • minimum wage
  • inflation
  • discrimination
  • progressive taxation
  • corporate governance
  • social safety nets
  • labor unions
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