IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some cities create new housing for thier growing population by constructing a samller number of high-rise buildings.Other cities create more of Low-rise buildings whcih solution is better in your opinion.

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Introduction
As the population continues to grow, some believe that building skyscrapers will solve the problem,
while
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 others argue that constructing a large number of low-rise
buildings
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial.
This
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 essay will discuss why the construction of high-rise apartments is a better
approach
Punctuation problem
approach,
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 as it can house more people.
Body paragraph 1
One significant advantage of constructing large
buildings
Use synonyms
 is that it uses
land
Use synonyms
 efficiently and can accommodate a large number of people.
For instance
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, there is one neighbourhood in my
area
Use synonyms
 which has numerous houses but does not have any park. People have to travel around five
kilometers to
Change the spelling
kilometres
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 just to go to the park for a short walk and to spend their evening.
In
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contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 there is a big building in that same
area
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.
This
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 building has a gym, a park, a pool and a theatre for
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 residents.
Along with
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 providing housing to many
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
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this
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 building
also
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 provides basic amenities by using the space suitably.
Body paragraph 2
Another crucial point is that it can preserve natural habitat
as well as
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 agricultural
land
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. Forests and
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 environment will be protected, allowing various species to survive. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 these
buildings
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not require much
area
Use synonyms
remaining
Punctuation problem
, remaining
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land
Use synonyms
 can be used for activities
such
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 as agriculture and to build basic community facilities like hospitals. Other space can be used for agriculture
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can produce food for a growing population.
Moreover
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, other important facilities
such
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 as hospitals, schools, and parks can be built
on
Change preposition
in the
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area
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is more beneficial for the society.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 some cities are building
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 number of smaller
Use synonyms
buildings
Punctuation problem
buildings,
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 I believe _constructing
high rise
Correct your spelling
high-rise
 apartments is an effective approach.
Remaining
Correct article usage
The remaining
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 piece of
land
Use synonyms
 can be used for other purposes like agriculture, schools, hospitals, and parks.
Moreover
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, it is
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 sustainable approach for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 as species of plants and animals can be preserved.

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task response
Explain both sides a little more. Say why low-rise homes may be good, for example, they may feel less crowded or may be easier for some old people. Then clearly show why high-rise homes are still the better choice.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear result. In the second body part, do not repeat the point about farm land and community places. Add one new idea, such as lower road, water, and power costs when many people live in one place.
task response
Make your example more exact. Instead of saying “there is one neighbourhood”, say what the high-rise building changes for local people, such as less travel time and more open land for a public park.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body part focused on one main idea. The first part is about land use and services. The second part should only be about saving open land, rather than returning many times to parks, schools, and hospitals.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between sentences. For example: “As a result, more land is free for parks and farms.” This will make the cause and result easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated words and ideas, such as “other space can be used for agriculture”. Say the point once, then add a new detail that supports it.
task response
You give a clear view that high-rise homes are better. Your two main ideas are clear: they save land and they help protect nature and farm land.
task response
The example of a large building with a gym, park, pool, and theatre helps show how one building can give homes and useful places to many people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “For instance”, “In contrast”, and “Moreover” help the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-rise buildings
  • low-rise buildings
  • population density
  • green spaces
  • environmentally sustainable
  • sense of community
  • isolation
  • aesthetically pleasing
  • harmony with existing neighbourhood
  • cost-effective
  • infrastructure needs
  • concentrate population density
  • integrate better
  • overcrowding
  • public spaces
  • transport
  • risk factors
  • fire hazards
  • concrete jungle
  • mental health concerns
  • urban sprawl
  • loss of agricultural land
  • recreational land
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