IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

ome people with a good education and experience in their field decide to move abroad to work. Why do you think that is? What are the problems caused by this?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, young
people
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 with strong educational backgrounds and higher qualifications tend to move abroad. I believe that the younger generation wants to explore new
opportunities
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 and enjoy a better lifestyle.
As a result
Linking Words
, developing
countries
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 are unable to gain sufficient economic benefits from their educated and skilled workforce.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, individuals who have acquired a high level of education and gained considerable experience often do not want to remain in the same place. They seek improvement in terms of knowledge, skills, salary and living standards.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they constantly look for better
opportunities
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 to advance their careers and personal lives. In search of greater
opportunities
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, they leave their home
countries
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 and settle abroad.
For example
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, many IT graduates from India try to move to Canada because they can explore a large number of IT companies and potentially find better career
opportunities
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 there.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the migration of educated and skilled
people
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 can have serious economic consequences for their home
countries
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. When a country loses a significant proportion of its skilled workforce, its economic development may be negatively affected.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the migration of intelligent and educated
people
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 can make it more difficult for developing
countries
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 to improve their social and professional environment. Educated
people
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 are generally more aware of environmental issues, laws and social responsibilities. If they remained in their own
countries
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, they could contribute their knowledge and skills to national development and guide future generations towards a better society.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, qualified and skilled
people
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 are undoubtedly valuable assets to a nation.
Although
Linking Words
 they tend to move abroad in search of better
opportunities
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 and a higher standard of living, their departure can have negative consequences for developing
countries
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the loss of skilled young
people
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 can prevent these
countries
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 from benefiting fully from their educated workforce and may slow their
overall
Linking Words
 development.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make the answer stronger, add one more clear reason for moving abroad, such as better pay, safer work, or better schools for children.
task response
Your main problem is clear: the home country loses skilled workers. Add another direct problem, such as fewer doctors, teachers, or IT workers, and show how this affects daily life.
task response
The India and Canada example is useful. Make it more exact by saying how this move helps the worker and how India may lose needed workers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. The order is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. You use "On the one hand" and "On the other hand", but the two parts are not two sides of one debate. Try "First" and "Second" instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, especially "better opportunities" and "better lifestyle". Use one clear point in each part, then explain it with a result or an example.
coherence and cohesion
The second main part moves from money problems to social and environmental ideas. Add a short link sentence, or keep the part focused on one main effect.
task response
You give clear reasons for why skilled people move abroad: better work, more pay, and a better way of life.
task response
You explain a real problem for home countries: they may not get the full help of educated and skilled people.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear main idea and an explanation, so the reader can follow your message.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending brings the main ideas together and answers the question again in a clear way.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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